Come Home
by nbclasvegasfan
Summary: Danny is recalled to the marines, leaving Delinda and their two children at home by themselves. I realize there are a few other stories like this out there, but I started this months ago and just got it to the point where I think it's ready to be posted.
1. Chapter 1

I walk into the kitchen and see mom sitting at the table, staring out the window aimlessly, her eyes cold and empty. I can hardly remember the last time she looked happy, truly happy, not the brave smile that she pastes on in the mornings. When we get the occasional phone call, when she talks to him, I can start to see a sparkle reappear in her eyes; but then the call ends and so does her moment of joy.

I can remember the days when we would all be out, not doing anything particularly fun, but just being so happy. I can remember seeing my parents so in love, smiles spread across their faces, glowing with happiness. I long for those days, for the feeling of love in our house. I long for the days when I would come home from school and find my mom singing; not like now, when she just sits in front of the television watching the news, listening to the reporters state the days troop death toll.

I watch her fall apart and can't help but resent her a little. How can she fall apart like this? Does she think this only affects her? Tomorrow is 'bring your dad to school day', mine can't come. I've heard her talk to dad before, about grandpa being gone when she was little; shouldn't she understand what I'm going through?

"Josh?" Ruby asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. I turn to face my little sister, her eyes filled with unshed tears. I bend down and take her in my arms, holding her close. "I miss him…" she sobs, clutching a tearstained picture of our father in her right hand.

I close my eyes, holding onto her tightly. "I know…" I say softly. "He'll be home soon." I say with false assurance. I pull her back, holding her at arms length, looking into her deep blue eyes. "You should go back to bed." I whisper, looking back to our mother still in the kitchen. I walk Ruby to her room and tuck her in, giving her a kiss on her forehead. As I walk out of the room, turning out the lights, I hear her call my name.

"Josh…" she says with her tiny voice. I stop and turn to face her, pasting a brave smile, much like my mothers, on my face. "I love you Josh." She says, blowing me a kiss.

The fake smile I had been wearing is replaced by a genuine one. "I love you too Ruby." I say, shutting the door behind me. I stop and lean against her door, sliding to the floor, burying my head between my knees, gasping for air. I close my eyes, I see dad walking through the front door, I see my mom smiling and laughing with joy, I see Ruby wrapping her little body around his leg. Then…then I open my eyes, revealing the cruel reality.

I lift my head and hear her tears. During the day she tries to act like everything's okay. Then the evening sets in and she looks to the front door, as if waiting for him to come home from work, but he doesn't. He's not at work or at least not the work where he comes home every night at six. Then she takes a seat at the kitchen table, staring out the front window, waiting for him to come home.

I got a letter from him last week; I've read it a hundred times since then. I've examined the dirty finger prints on the paper; I've smelt his scent lingering on it; I've added some tears drops to it; I've carried it everywhere with me.

I walk into the kitchen and stand a few feet from my mother, "mom…" I say softly. She doesn't reply, she doesn't even acknowledge me standing there. She doesn't look at me much anymore, when she does it's either with a fake smile or a forced stare. When she sees me she sees him, and it tears her apart. "Mom…" I say again, this time placing my hand on her shoulder.

She jumps and turns to look at me, looking startled for a moment. "Oh, hi sweetie." She says with another forged grin.

"I'm going to bed." I say clearly. Hoping maybe that she would follow my lead and get some rest herself. Instead she nods her head and pats me on the shoulder, turning back to face her window. I sigh and shake my head, walking back to my room. I sit down on my bed and look to the frame on my nightstand, taking it up in my hands. I smile down at the photo and clear some dust off the glass. I recall that day the picture was taken, the Montecito company picnic. Dad had just won the obstacle course and ran to hug me, Uncle Mike and Gregg threw the Gatorade cooler all over us. We were so excited and content with a simple victory.

I set the frame back down on my nightstand with a heavy sigh; I then lie down and shut my bedside lamp off, closing my eyes momentarily. I quickly reopen them when I remember that I didn't turn on the dishwasher. Grudgingly, I get up and walk back into the kitchen, she's still sitting there. Ever since he left it seems that my mother has to. The woman that took care of us and loved us was gone, leaving me to fend for my sister and I. Sure, uncle Mike helps out when he can, and Sam drops by every once in a while, but for the most part things are left up to me, a fifteen year old kid.

I turn on the dishwasher and turn my head startled as I hear something. I look around and see the phone lighting up. I then look to the clock and my heart skips a beat. It must be him; no one else would call at this hour. I look to my mother and she's already on her feet.

She picks up the phone anxiously. "Hello?" she asks, gripping the phone tightly. I know it's him when I see her smile spread across her face. She closes her eyes, gripping the phone even tighter than before. "How are you?" she asks him, her voice slightly shaking. "Did you get our care package?" she says, now looking to me, looking to me the way she used to, when dad was here and everything was alright. "Yeah, Josh made the cookies himself…oh good…." I hear her saying, only being able to hear one side of the conversation. "Yeah, Ruby spent hours on her card." She says with a laugh.

I take a seat and wait patiently to talk to him, knowing full well that I might not get the chance this time. His time is limited and I don't mind giving up my time to talk to him if means mom having a few more moments of joy. I wait for what seems like an eternity, watching my mother reappear before my very eyes, but knowing that she will disappear just as quickly.

Then I see her look to me and smile, "yeah, he's right here." She says, walking towards me. My heart skips another beat and my stomach ties itself in knots, before I know it I'm holding the phone to my ear. "Hello?" I say shakily, not recognizing my own voice.

"Hey champ! How's it going?" he says cheerfully. As the words leave his mouth all my worries and fears fade, everything is alright again.

"I'm good, how are you?" I ask, trying to keep the focus off of me.

"I'm good." He says with a slight chuckle. "Missing you guys like crazy though." He adds.

I nod my head, "we miss you too." I say softly.

"How's school, anything new, any girls you like?" I smile and shake my head.

"School is school, nothing really new, and no I don't like anyone right now." I say laughing at the last part. I can hear my dad smile, he doesn't say anything, but I know he's smiling.

"Isn't it career day at school next week?" he asks, I hear his smile fade.

I hesitate before answering, "yeah, my teacher said I can write a report instead." I say, slightly ashamed.

"instead of…"

"Well, you're supposed to have your dad come in and talk to the class." I say with reluctance, knowing that it's going to hurt him.

I hear him let out a heavy sigh. "You know I'd be there if I could, right champ?"

"I know dad, you can come next year." I say with hope.

I can hear him smile again, "Yeah, next year." There's a short silence before he talks again. "Listen pal I have to go, so put your mom back on and take care of her and your sister for me."

"okay," I say, feeling my fears rush back to me, hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I move to hand mom the phone when I hear him call out on the phone, "Hey pal!"

I quickly bring the receiver back to ear, "yeah?" I ask, waiting to hear his voice again.

"I love you."

"I love you too dad." I say with a smile and hand the phone back to mom. She gently takes it from my palms and runs her hand over my cheek, smiling at me.

I watch her say goodbye to my father as the tears flow down her face. "I love you Danny." she says sweetly, an ounce of twinkle still left in her eye, but then she hangs up the phone and, just like that, it all disappears. She looks to me, the fake smile back on her face, "Let's get some sleep." She says, her hand on my back, guiding me towards our rooms. I nod my head and smile; maybe there is hope. Maybe if she's willing to sleep she won't be so tired in the morning, maybe she can make us breakfast like she used to. Then again maybe not, maybe things will go back to the way they have been and I'll have to get us ready for school. I try not to get my hopes up lately; when I do I just get disappointed. I've learned 

that if you keep your expectations low you are less likely to get hurt. I've been hurt a lot this past year, we all have, I'll do anything to avoid this pain.

Mom walks me into my room and watches me climb into bed, she then walks over and sits on the edge. She stares at me for a moment and runs her hand over my cheek. "You know I love you, right?" she asks. For that brief moment I can see my mother in the woman sitting in front of me. I nod my head silently, not wanting to say the wrong thing. "ok…" she says, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead. "Sleep tight sweetie." She says, giving me a small smile just before leaving my room. As she shuts the door behind her I watch the shadow of her footsteps stand outside my door. She stands there, still, for a long while. I then see the shadows move towards her room and the hall lights turn off.

I lie my head back down on my pillow, letting out a deep breath. The conversation I had with dad replays over and over in my head. I look up to the ceiling and pray, I pray that dad comes home to us, I pray that he comes home safely, I pray that things go back to the way they were. I stop and look back over to the photo on my nightstand, turning my focus from god to dad. My faith in god has dwindled lately. How can a being greater than ours with so much power do this to us, to families around the world? How can he send our men and women to war and claim their lives? Does God have control over things like this? If not, then why do we pray to him to bring them home? This last thought leaves my mind and I drift off to sleep.  
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The next morning my alarm goes off, quickly bringing me out of my deep sleep. I roll over and glare at the clock, shutting it off with force. I let out a deep sigh before I roll out of bed, down on my knees. 'This is a bad morning' I think to myself. Since dad left I have bad mornings and good mornings. On good mornings I wake up, start breakfast, get Ruby up and going, all without much effort.

Then…then there are bad mornings, like today. I roll out of bed, wanting nothing more than to crawl back under the covers and not come out until dad comes home…if he comes home. The tears flow down the side of my cheeks as I cry silently in the comfort of my room. After ten or fifteen minutes I pull myself together, trying to just make it through the day.

It's times like this when I can't help but hate my mother a little. I understand how she feels, I understand how hard it is to just make it through the day, trying not to think about what he's going through at this very minute; wondering if he's lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Praying that he's safe, even if your faith in god isn't as strong as it used to be. Even with all this understanding of what she's going through, I don't understand how she can just give up. How can she just lie around the house, allowing me to take care of us all? She's the adult; I'm the child, at the moment our rolls have been swapped.

I now look up to the clock and sigh, seeing that I'm already running late. I walk into the kitchen, relieved that mom isn't asleep at the kitchen table. I get out the cereal, not having enough time to make eggs. I then walk down the hall to Ruby's room, quietly opening her door. I smile when I see her sleeping in one of dads t-shirts, making her look so tiny, not that she isn't. I sit on the edge of her petite little bed, and shake her gently. "Ruby…" I whisper. "Ruby…" I say again. She stirs slightly, starting to open her arms.

"Daddy?" she calls, rubbing her eyes.

I close my eyes, my heart breaking, and let out a deep breath. "No, Rube. It's me." I say softly. She opens her eyes, not showing the disappointment I know she feels. She sits up groggily, "we're running a little late today, try to hurry up okay?" she nods her. "I've set your clothes up, can you get dressed by yourself?" I ask, wanting to get to my cereal. She nods her head again, still rubbing her eyes.

I walk into the kitchen about to start eating my cereal when the phone rings. I sigh, for what seems like the hundredth time this morning, and walk over to the phone. I look at the caller id and frown as I don't recognize the number. "Hello?" I ask, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"Hey buddy!" I hear on the other end of the phone.

My face lights up, thrilled to hear his voice. "Hi grandpa!" I shout, dropping my spoon back into the bowl. "How are you? How's nana?" I ask excitedly. I can hear grandpa smile, the same way I can hear dad smile. They aren't even related but I'm always noticing things that they both have in common.

"I'm okay, missing my grandkids like crazy though." I grin as I hear his reply, almost identical to dads from the phone call last night. "and nana's good too, off on another shopping trip." He says with sarcasm. I giggle a little at his tone. "how's your mom?" The smile on my face fades. I hesitate before answering, hating to lie to grandpa. "Josh?" he asks again, his tone getting a little worried. "Is everything ok?"

I sigh again, "Yeah…" I say simply.

"Can I talk to mom?" he asks, sensing the hesitation in my voice.

"Umm, well…"

"Well what?"

"She's sleeping." I say reluctantly.

"Sleeping? What about breakfast? How are you and Ruby getting to school?" he asks, concerned and confused.

"I make breakfast. Jacobs mom takes me to school and drops Ruby off at kindergarten on the way." I say, explaining our morning routine.

"Why doesn't your mom take you to school?" I don't answer, not wanting to tell grandpa that his daughter hasn't done much of anything lately. "Josh!" he says, a sound of fury entering his voice.

"Mom…has been having a hard time lately." I finally spit out.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, mom hasn't left the house in over a month. It's a struggle to get her out of bed in the mornings, and when she does she just sits at the kitchen table and stares out the window. I'm the one who has to get up and take care of Ruby and me. I'm the one who has to be the adult." I cry, breaking down. "I just want dad to come home." I sob quietly.

I can hear him let out a heavy, "I know pal… but I need you to be strong." He says, encouraging me. "I'm going to get you some help, but you have to be strong for Ruby."

I nod my head and wipe my nose. "Grandpa…"

"Yeah?"

"Everything's going to be alright…right?" I ask, needing someone to give me a little hope.

"Yeah pal, everything's going to be fine." He assures me. I look to the hallway as I hear Ruby walking towards me.

"Ruby's coming." I whisper.

"Ok, you hang in there kid, let me talk to Ruby real quick." He says with his stern yet loving tone.

I nod my head, "Yes sir." Ruby walks in the kitchen and looks up at me on the phone. "Ruby, someone wants to talk to you." I say handing her the phone.

"Hello?" I hear her say with her little high pitched voice. "Grandpa!" she shrieks with excitement. "I miss you and nana so much." She says loudly, a smile spreading all across her face. "Yeah, I go to school just like Josh now." She says very proudly; hands on hips. I laugh at her a little and try to eat my cereal that I've started ten times. "No mommy's sleeping." She says sadly, looking to my mother's room. "Ok, I love you grandpa, bye." She says hanging up the phone.

I look to her as she sets the phone down on the kitchen table. "Sit down, I've poured your cereal already." I say pointing to the bowl. She nods her head and does as she's told. As I bring another spoonful to my mouth I glance out the window and drop my spoon. I pick Ruby up and tell her to go to her room. She looks at me and asks me why with a scared voice. "Because I said so!" I bark. She walks off to her room, and I turn back around, feeling my stomach sink and my heart race as two soldiers get out of their car across the street.

They walk towards my house, there's no mistaking it now, they're on my front porch. I open the door before they get the chance to ring the doorbell. I stand in front of them, a small fifteen year old boy in front of two grown men, more than just men, two soldiers. I fall to my knees, gasping for air, "Please…please!" I plead. "Don't tell me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Ed sits at his desk, his head in his hands when Jillian walks in with a few bags of groceries. She looks to him with a scowl when he doesn't lift his head at her arrival. "Honey, is everything okay?" she asks, setting the bags down on the counter. "

Ed lifts his head now, his eyes filled with concern. "We have to go back." He says simply.

"Back? Where? To Vegas? Why?" she asks, wondering what could have brought on this sudden urge.

"I talked to Josh today." He says quietly, his voice full of sorrow.

"He says Delinda hasn't been out of the house in over a month. He's been taking care of Ruby by himself…" he trails off, feeling guilty that he wasn't there for his grandkids, just like he hadn't been there for his daughter, and still wasn't.

Jillian takes a seat next to her husband. "Let's go…" she says simply, resting her hand on his.  
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I can feel my legs start to buckle, I throw my arms out, grabbing onto the doorframe. "Please no…"I whisper, closing my eyes, a single tear falling down the side of my cheek. Suddenly for that moment I can see dad walking through the front door, Ruby running into his arms, mom sprinting from her dark cavernous room, smiling like she used to. Then I open my eyes and all I see are the two military officers standing in front of me.

"Son, is Mrs. Gonzalez home?" he asks sternly.

I look up, my mouth slightly hanging open. "What?" I ask, wiping the unshed tears from my eyes.

"Is Mrs…" he starts again.

"Gonzalez?" I ask in awe.

"Yes, doesn't Brian Gonzalez live here?" The tall marine asks. I shake my head, tears of joy stream from my eyes. "Oh, I'm so sorry son." He says, turning to walk back towards their car.

I close the door, collapse against it, and slide to the floor. I lower my head between my knees and sob. Suddenly I feel a cold hand on my arm. I look up to see Ruby's tiny little face looking down at me. "Josh…"she asks with an unsure voice. "Are you ok?" I don't answer; I just pull her in close to me for a hug. "it's ok…I'll eat the cereal…I promise." She says still confused.

I laugh and let her go, "It's ok." I say giving her a weak smile.  
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Mike walks through the surveillance room, glancing at the monitors on his way out. He takes in a deep breath and turns down the hall towards the elevator. He rides it up a few floors, sighing as the doors open. He walks out, looking at the empty receptionist's desk outside the office and walks towards the 

door, letting out a deep breath at the sight of the name printed on the fog glass door. Taking out a set of keys, he unlocks the door and walks in.

The office is dimly lit with the morning light shining through the window. The desk looks old, covered with dust. The photos on the desk are barely visible through the dust covered glass. The tall man lets out a deep breath and walks behind the solid oak desk his friend once occupied. Over the past few months Mike had taken over for Danny, but moving into his office just seemed….wrong.

Occasionally a letter would arrive, dirty fingerprints still on the paper, a drop of sweat in the corner, the words scribbled in a hurried fashion. Each one contained, generally, the same thing. "Please look after D and the kids…hope Nessa and the baby are doing well…don't let the news fool you, it's much worse…See you soon, Danny.  
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I sit in class, staring out the window, not able to hear anything the teacher's saying; not that I care. The rain pounds against the glass, I watch the drops trickle down slowly. I wonder what the weather's like where he is. _Is it cold there? Does he shiver at night?_ Then I think of mom, _is she seeing the rain trickle down the window too? Is she sitting at the kitchen table again?_

Life just seems so pointless lately; the only thing that keeps me going is Ruby and the occasional phone call or letter from him. Does no one else see what I'm going through? Mike and Sam always say that they're here for us, but they don't even know that mom hasn't been out of the house in over a month. Not that I can blame this on them, they have lives too.

At night when I go to sleep, sometimes I can see how things used to be. I can see us all happy and always laughing. The other nights…they're not as good. The other nights I'm with him, I can see everything he's going through. I can hear the guns shooting at him, I can smell the gun powder in the air, I can feel the ground shake from a nearby explosion, I can see the sweat pouring down the side of his face. Then…then I see a man behind him. I call out, I scream, I try to push him, but none of it works. Then the man behind him pulls the trigger and my father falls to the floor, blood escaping his chest, and life escaping his eyes.  
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Delinda lies in her bed, not wanting to move, but as she looks to the picture of her children on her nightstand she knows she has to. She swings her legs out over the bed and crawls out down to the floor on her knees. She tries to take in a breath of air, to get her going, but it doesn't help. Instead she lies on the floor, face down, and falls back asleep.  
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Ed sits on the plane next to his wife, staring blankly out the window. "You okay?" Jillian asks, gripping her husband's hand a little tighter. Ed nods his head silently, never looking away from the window. "You sure?" she asks again, knowing his untruthful answer.

The former CIA agent peels his eyes away from the world below him and turns to his wife. Shaking his head he replies, "no….a month?" he says unbelievably. "How does she not the leave the house for a month; what about the kids?" he asks, not understanding the situation. "She loves them to death, she'd do anything for them, I've seen it with my own eyes…"

"Things are different when you're by yourself." Jillian cuts in. Ed looks to her, his heart aching, and closes his mouth. "When you're on your own, it's hard to get up every day knowing you have to do it all on your own." She says seriously. Ed looks away, back out the window. "I'm not saying you were a bad father or a bad husband; I'm just saying you have to understand where she's coming from." Ed looks back to her, struggling to make eye contact. He nods his head, looking to the floor. "Ed…" she says, putting her hands to his face, lifting it to meet hers. "I love you, more than anything in this world, but it was hard when you were away. I did it though, because I loved you and I knew you were coming back to us. Delinda doesn't have that confidence yet, she isn't used to this like I was." Ed lifts his eyes, looking at his wife, his eyes full of sorrow, and nods his head.  
…..……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Danny sits against the tire of the humvee, taking his first break of the day, most likely his only break. He sighs heavily and thrusts his head back against the truck, as he takes out a pen and paper. The letter that he started last week only had three sentences on it and now would probably be his only chance to finish it.

_Ed, you once said that if I ever needed to talk, I could come to you. That time has come, only I can't walk up to your office and take a seat like I used to. _

_I've been here twice before, but it wasn't like it is now. The days are quiet, almost deafening, everyone afraid to make a sound. The streets are piled with dead bodies, all of them lying there with their eyes wide open, the ones that have their arms are spread out over the other bodies, the smell makes my eyes water. _

_The nights…the nights are worse. The smell still consumes the air I breathe, the bodies still lie piled in the streets, but the silence is gone. The silence is replaced by the endless gunfire, replaced by my buddies screaming for help as they lie in the trenches, blood seeping from their bodies. I try to get to them, but I fail. Their screams, their pleas, their loud prayers die out and so do they. _

_On the rare occasion that I get a chance to sleep, I can't. Either the gunfire is too loud or the silence is. I sit and stare at my picture of D and the kids, their smiling faces staring back at me. They keep me going, those three. They keep me going through this war, a war I really don't understand. Sixteen years ago I was here for a reason I knew, I thought I knew anyway, but at least it was something. I have no idea what we're doing here. They tell us to go 'here' and go 'there' but they don't tell us why. They don't tell us why we're killing or why we're being killed. _

_At night I walk to the outhouse, trying to escape the smell of the streets. I sit in there trying not to throw up at the smell of shit beneath me, but I don't because I'm grateful that I can escape the smell of death for at least a little while. Occasionally I fall asleep, but even in my dreams I'm still here. Only now, Josh is standing in front of me. I try not to look at him; I try not to take my eyes of the men shooting at us. I can _

_see him trying to say something out of the corner of my eye. Then I feel a jerk in my back, I look down to the blood escaping my chest and I fall to the floor. But it's just a dream right?_

_Well it's that time of night again, so I have to go. Thanks Ed, for everything. _

_Danny _

The tall marine folds up the letter he has been working on for the past week and places it in the envelope.  
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_**Four hours later**_

I walk with Ruby up to the front door of our house. I sigh with relief when I don't see mom staring out the kitchen window. We walk in, I look around, and nothing appears to be different. Nothing has been moved, none of the lights are on, and the TV is still off. I close my eyes and scowl as I shut the door behind us. "Mom…" I call out, hoping that she replies, but just as I suspected, she doesn't. "Why don't you go get a snack; I'll be back in a minute." I say, ushering Ruby into the kitchen. As I watch her leave I make a b-line for mom's room. I throw open the door and cringe with disgust as I see her asleep on the floor. "Mom!" I shout, trying to wake her up. "Mom!" I yell louder. She starts to stir, but doesn't bother to look at me. "Will you get up?" I shout with a repulsive tone. "It's only four o'clock. Thanks for picking us up by the way. I told you last week that Jakes mom couldn't pick us up, but of course you forgot. Thanks to you we got to walk home!" I can feel my temper start to flare. "What's wrong with you? You've been lying around here ever since dad left!" I scream, feeling my face turn red with anger.

"You don't understand!" she shouts back, standing up and getting in my face.

"I don't understand?" I shout, half laughing. "I don't understand? How can you say that? He's my dad; you don't think I miss him? You don't think I worry about him? I'm fifteen years old and not only do I have to deal with my father being halfway across the world in a war zone, but I get to take care of my baby sister and my incompetent mother!" I scream at her, panting as I realize what I just said.

She looks taken aback and closes her mouth. She looks to the picture on her nightstand and opens her mouth again. "No, you don't understand…" she says quietly.

"STOP SAYING THAT!" I shriek, hearing my own voice crack. "HE'S NOT DEAD!" I say, feeling the tears roll down the sides of my face. I hear Ruby say something in the kitchen, but I'm too busy yelling at my mother. "YOU SIT AROUND HERE MOPING LIKE YOU'VE JUST BEEN TOLD HE'S DEAD!" I scream breathlessly. "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN THE OFFICERS CAME TO OUR DOOR THE OTHER DAY? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I COLLAPSED IN THE DOORWAY BEGGING THEM NOT TO TELL ME MY FATHER HAD BEEN KILLED? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I SIGHED WITH RELIEF WHEN I REALIZED THEY HAD THE WRONG HOUSE? AND WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I FELT GUILTY FOR IT WHEN I REALIZED THEY HAD TO GO TELL SOMEONE ELSES FAMILY THAT THEIR MARINE HAD BEEN KILLED?" I stop; I can hear someone walking down the hallway over my pounding heart. Tears stream down both of our faces. "SAY SOMETHING!" she looks to the floor. "HE'S NOT DEAD!" I cry again.

I feel a strong hand grip my shoulder. I twirl around and let out a small sob at the familiar face. I fall into his arms, trying to control my sobs, unsuccessfully.  
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Danny sits in his tent, lying on the cot assigned to him, his rifle drawn close to his chest. The screams of the mortars grow nearer with every minute, along with the screams of his fellow marines growing louder.

McCoy stands up, grabbing his rifle and throws open the flap of the tent. He runs towards the screams of both the mortars and his friends. He squints through the pitch black of the night, trying to see something, anything. As he curses the night, the sky lights up with another mortar. Hearing the shriek near McCoy looks up to the sky and sees it heading towards him. He runs as fast as he can to his right and hears the thud of the shell hit behind him and feels the dirt rain over his face.

He looks back as he hears a man let out one loud cry. Danny turns back and runs towards the man. McCoy gets down on his hands and knees as he nears his fellow marine. He starts to dig at the dirt burying the soldier, pulling it away handfuls at a time. Taking the man by his armpits he tugs, trying to pull him out of the dirt. Suddenly they both go flying backwards, hitting the ground with a thump. Danny stands up, looking horrified as he sees the lower half of the man missing completely. McCoy lets out a cry hat startles himself.

Pushing the vomit back down, he picks the marine up and carries him to the medical tent; not knowing if he's dead or alive, but leaving a man behind wasn't an option. As he enters the medical tent he shouts for a doctor and sets the man down on a nearby gurney. Before the body even hits the gurney, McCoy is gone with a flash.  
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Either the rain has gotten louder or I'm just now able to hear it as I control my tears. Grandpa pats my back as I pull my face out of his shoulder. His hand guides me out of the room, but I can feel him starring my mother down as we walk to the kitchen.

I stop before turning the corner and wipe my eyes; Ruby shouldn't have to see me like this. I take in a deep breath and feel grandpa give me a reassuring squeeze of my shoulder. I walk in the kitchen and see Ruby sitting at the kitchen table eating a sandwich and nana at the counter, her back to me.

"Josh, look! Nana and grandpa are here!" she says excitedly, her mouth still full with sandwich.

I smile at her, "I know, how exciting." Nana turns around to see me and grandpa walking in. She gives me one of those looks, one of those looks that says, '_I know and I'm sorry'_ I nod my head and give her hug.

I then look to Ruby and take a seat next to her. "Looks like nana made a sandwich for you, that was nice. Did you say thank you?"

"Thank you nana." She says taking another bite.

Nana smiles and lets out a small chuckle. "You're welcome. Nana made a sandwich for you too." She says, setting a plate down in front of me with a cold glass of milk. I smile and move to dig in.

"What do you say Josh?" Ruby says seriously.

I let out a small laugh and I can see nana and grandpa laughing too. "Thanks nana."

Nana chuckles again before saying, "you're welcome."

There's a short silence, I can see grandpa looking to nana; talking to her without saying a word. Mom and dad used to do that, it drove me crazy. I could never tell what they were thinking, but they always knew. At Christmas I would ask if I could open a certain present, then they'd look to each other, talking with their eyes, and decide together if I could open it yet.

I snap out of my memories as I see nana leave the room. I know where she's going, but I shudder at the thought of what they might say. The truth is, I love my mother, very much. I don't want anyone, especially my grandparents, thinking that she's a bad mom; because she's not. She's a great mother; she's just having a hard time with all of this right now. Did I resent her at times for it? Yes, but that doesn't mean she's a bad mother or that I don't love her.

Grandpa pats my shoulder again, startling me and bringing me out of another trance. He gives me an encouraging smile and nod of the head. All of a sudden I can breathe again; it's as though my lungs have been collapsed all this time, but with his one simple smile I can breathe again.

Maybe things will be ok, maybe they'll go back to the way they were.

I hear mom let out a loud sob.

Maybe not.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3  
Author's Notes: ****I don't know if I have mentioned this, but this story is sort of a sequel to ****Dead or Alive.**** There are things that pop up that happened in the previous stories. **

McCoy looks around in a daze; suddenly the man at his side blurs and turns to triplets. Danny feels something warm running down his forehead and moves his hand to wipe his brow. As he brings the hand back down he sees it covered with a thick, dark, liquid. The marine falls to his knees, trying to make his way back to the campsite. He can feel his senses failing him, the sound of gunfire can no longer be heard, the only thing letting him know he's alive is the vibration of the ground below him as another bomb goes off.

McCoy screams out, but the sound of his scream doesn't reach his own ears. Trying to scream again he feels a tug at his shirt. The sky is blacker than ever, the dark of night seems to have consumed everything. Then he realizes, it's not that the night is dark, it's that his senses have gone dark. The tug of his shirt becomes a drag; McCoy feels around and can feel a man's hand grabbing his uniform. He lets out another attempt to yell, but trails off as he fades into a dark sleep.  
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I can hear mom yell, not clearly, but I can hear her. Occasionally I can hear nana shout something back, not meanly, just trying to be heard over her daughter's excuses.

I glance over to grandpa, who shoots me a look, a look that says more than just one thing. It says, 'I know' it says 'I'm sorry' it says 'it's going to be ok' it says everything. I realize this is how they talk with their eyes. This total understanding and trust, this dependence they have on the other opens up a whole other world. I smile to myself, thinking that maybe I did get something from my father. I may not have gotten his bravery, or his courage, or his ability to always know what to say, but I got his ability to understand.

Ruby jumps at the sound of something breaking. I quickly look towards mom's room and get out of my chair. Before I can go anywhere grandpa is up and puts a hand to my chest. "Stay here." He says softly, yet with a forceful tone. For a moment I think about going anyway, but I quickly reconsider.

I can hear his heavy footsteps as he makes his way down the hall. I can hear him turn the door handle. I can hear the creak of the door as he opens it. I can hear someone sniffle as he walks in. I can hear him shut the door. Then I hear Ruby. I hear her sniffle behind me and I turn around quickly.

Seeing those tears roll down her tiny little cheeks breaks my heart. I walk over to her and pick her up in my arms. She sobs quietly into my shoulder, shaking and sniffling. She stops for a moment and pulls away to look at me. "Is mommy mad at me?" she sniffles.

"No, why would you say that?" I ask with fake curiosity; truthfully I can understand why she might think that.

"Because…she doesn't make me breakfast, or kiss me goodnight anymore; did I do something wrong Josh?" she squeaks.

"No, you didn't do anything." I say seriously, "Mommy just really misses Daddy, do you understand?" I ask, then I realize she can't possibly understand; I don't even understand it.

She nods her head and hugs me again. I wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly. I reopen my eyes to see grandpa standing in front of me. He gives me a concerned look, but I just shake my head, telling him not to worry.

I carry Ruby into the living room and set her up on the couch, turning on some Dora the Explorer to keep her busy. Grandpa stands between the kitchen and the living room, leaning up against the wall, observing my every move. I tuck the blanket around Ruby's tiny feet before I make my way towards grandpa, now walking back to the kitchen.  
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Delinda sits on the edge of her bed, her head in her hands, wondering how it got this way.

"Delinda…" her mother calls again. The young blonde woman reluctantly lifts her head to face her mother. "I know how you're feeling, but you can't do this." Jillian says softly, taking a seat beside Delinda.

"Do you think I want to sit in here all day? Do you think I like the looks of disgust my own son gives me? I try; I try so hard every morning to get up, to be strong. I just can't do it. I can't…"

"You can't what? You can't be a mother?" Jillian shouts, standing up in front of her daughter now. "I _know_ this is hard. Believe me I know; but those two kids out there, those two beautiful children, need their mother. Every moment you hide away in here is another moment you steal away from that boy's childhood. He's scared D, and he should be. His father is across the world fighting in a war, his mother his hiding in her room, his grandparents are on the run, and he's having to be a father to his little sister." Jillian takes in a deep breath and frowns at the tears on Delinda's face. "You, more than anyone, should understand where's he's coming from." Delinda nods her head and wipes the tears from her eyes.  
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I sit at the kitchen table, my head in my hands, wanting more than anything to cry, but grandpa sits across from me, watching me. I don't get to see him very often, but when I do he makes me want to be a better person, a stronger person, like he is, like my father is.

"It's ok…" he whispers.

"What's ok?" I ask angrily, nothing seems to be ok these days.

"To hate this…" he answers simply.

It's a simple answer but it says everything.

"This wouldn't have happened if I was more like him." I mumble, more to myself than anything.

"What?" grandpa asks, with a slight sound of shock.

"If I were more like dad things wouldn't be like they are." I say more clearly. "I'm nothing like him." I mumble again.

Grandpa looks to me with a bewildered expression. "You are your father." he says leaning forward in his chair. "You're a spitting image of him, you act like him, you talk like him…"

"That's not what I mean!" I say slightly shouting, catching myself off guard. "That's not what I mean." I say again, more softly this time. "I'm not brave like he is, I don't have his courage, I don't always know what to say like he does."

Grandpa pulls my head out of my hands, making me look him in the eye. "You are exactly like your dad, if not stronger. You wake up day in and day out, taking care of your sister, your mother, and everything else. You're afraid of losing your dad and you are only fifteen. Josh, you are the rock of this family, just like your dad."

"If I'm so much like him why can't she look at me?" I ask, nodding towards mom's room.

"I think you just answered your own question." He says softly. There's a long silence, neither one of us quite sure of what to say.

"This morning…" I start, wanting to get this off my chest.

"This morning?" grandpa asks, encouraging me to continue.

"This morning two marines came to the front door. They were here to tell me that a marine was dead, my marine. Then they realized they had the wrong house." I whisper, staring out the window.

Grandpa lets out a heavy sigh, "this might not be what you want to hear, but your mom would know exactly how you're feeling."

He was right, that wasn't what I wanted to hear. I give him a skeptical look, then I look over to Ruby still lying on the couch.

"She would, when your mom was a kid I worked for the CIA." I look back to him sharply. I had always assumed, but no one ever said it out loud. There were lots of times when dad and mom would be talking about him and then stop, never wanting to actually say the words. "Did you know that?" he asks.

"I assumed." I say simply shrugging my shoulders.

"I would be away for months at a time and she wouldn't know if I was alive or dead."

"Then why is she acting like this? If she's been through it shouldn't she know what I'm going through?"

Grandpa lets out another heavy sigh and looks away. For a moment I can see that he's hesitant to tell me something. "What is it grandpa?" I ask.

"You know your dad's been deployed before?" he asks, I nod my head. "The last time he was deployed was about a year before you were born. While he was over there some bad stuff happened, the marines found a body and assumed it was his. They came to work and told us that your dad had been killed overseas. We went for over a month thinking your dad was dead, we had his funeral, we had his headstone, we cleaned out his apartment, he was dead. Your mother was devastated. I think the thought of losing him again, really losing him, terrifies her."

I let out a deep breath and look to the floor. "Why hasn't anyone told me this?" I ask.

Grandpa shakes his head. "I think they were afraid that it would scare you."

"But I would have understood where she's coming from." I say irritably. "I feel like such a jerk." I say closing my eyes.

"What I just told you doesn't make what she's doing right, but at least you understand why."  
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The marine roughly lies McCoy down on the nearest available stretcher. "We need a medic over here!" he shouts.

A tall, tanned, thin looking man turns around quickly and rushes to the new patient. "What do we got?" he asks, helping roll the gurney over to the closest work station.

"He has some mortar shrapnel in the back of his neck and his right leg." The marine answers.

The doctor pulls out a pen light and lifts McCoy's eyelids, flashing the light in his eyes. "Lieutenant McCoy!" the medic shouts, trying to pull him back to consciousness. McCoy grumbles softly. "You have some shrapnel in your upper right thigh and in the back of your neck. We're going to knock you out now." The doctor says, inserting an IV into Danny's hand.

Danny looks around the medical tent at all the lights, trying to see the face of the man standing above him. The drugs work quickly, knocking the marine out cold.  
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I hear mom's bedroom door open and the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway. I quickly get up and walk towards her before Ruby can see her. She stops as I come closer, looking nervous. She wipes an unshed tear from the corner of her eye. "I'm sorry." She gurgles, trying to hold back her sobs.

I rush towards her and throw my arms around her; I can feel her tears soak through my shirt and her hands squeezing it. "I'm so sorry." She sobs.

"It's ok, it's all going to be okay." I whisper. I can see nana walking out of mom's room, smiling at us. Then I can see her look past me, to grandpa standing behind me, talking to him with her eyes. I pull mom away and brush her hair from her face. "Ruby's in the living room." I say smiling.

Mom wipes her eyes again and smiles at me. A real smile, not the ones she pastes on her face in the mornings, but a real smile like she used to give when things her good.  
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McCoy lies on the operating table, unconscious and completely unaware that the doctors are digging in his leg trying to repair the broken artery. Instead he's in a better place, a place where he doesn't have to hear the gunfire or the mortar shells ripping his friends to pieces and burying them alive.

He walks through a hallway, unsure of his whereabouts, trying to see something distinctive. As he continues to walk he comes across a door to his left. Being a marine, he checks the door for heat and wires; after double checking he cautiously opens the door. He walks in with a confused look as he sees what's in front of him.

He walks into his office, only it's not his office, its Ed's office. His mentor sits relaxed in his chair, leaning back, looking to Danny with his serious face. McCoy looks around, wondering how on earth he got here and why Ed was here.

"Ed?" he finally asks.

"Yeah, take a seat kid." His mentor says, leaning up in his chair now to rest his elbows on the desk.

Danny looks back into the white hallway and back into his office…or bosses office…someone's office. He smiles as he shuts the door behind him and walks over to the chair in front of Ed's desk. "I get it…this is like one of those dreams, like the Christmas carol thing right?"

"Take a seat kid." Ed reiterates. McCoy does as he's told and laughs at the fact that his father-in-law was intimidating in his dreams too. "You ok?" Ed asks, looking deep into Danny's eyes.

Danny nods his head, feeling the comfort of being back in Ed's office. "As well as I can be I guess." He answers, lowering his head slightly. "I miss my kids." He mumbles, wanting nothing more than to just run home to them right then and there.

"Yeah, I know how that is." Ed says understandingly.

McCoy looks back up to his mentor and stares at him for awhile. "You know…" he starts. "Sometimes I'm so thankful for what you did…with Mary's father. But other times I hate you for it. I hate you for it when I need your help and your advice, I hate you for it when Delinda looks at your pictures and gets that distant look in her eyes, but I hate you for most when my kids have their birthday parties and look to me and say 'I wish grandpa and nana were here'." Ed nods his head with no sign of agreement or disagreement. "That's it? No talk, no lesson, no advice?" Danny asks his arms up with outrage.

"You know I did what I did to protect everyone, and you know I'd be there if I could." He says with a shrug of his shoulders. Ed stands up and walks to Danny. "Come on…" he says motioning towards the door.

Danny stands up and walks with Ed. "Wait, that's it?"

"See ya kid." Ed says guiding Danny out the door.

"Wait, I'm not done yet. I have more questions!" he says, trying to get in a last few words before his mentor shuts the door on his face.  
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Nana and I sit in the kitchen, watching mom and grandpa play with Ruby. My heart swells with love at the sight of pure happiness all over Ruby's tiny little face. "She looks so happy." I hear myself mumble, not really realizing I have said it out loud.

"Yes she does." Nana agrees. "You know, your grandpa and I are very proud of you." She says seriously. I nod my head, not wanting to get into this conversation. "Your dad would…"

"Do we have to talk about this?" I finally blurt. Nana moves her head, looking taken aback. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it rudely. It's just…"

"I understand." She says, reaching over and placing her hand on mine. I look back to Ruby and smile as I see her squeal with joy as grandpa tickles her mercilessly.

"Can I ask you a question though?" I asks, now looking back to her.

"Of course." She replies with her sweet voice.

"Were you like this, when grandpa was away?" I ask, half hoping that she says yes.

"What do you mean? When he was away where?" she asks, playing dumb to the fact that her husband was in the CIA.

I sigh heavily, wanting to just cut through all the crap. "When grandpa was in the CIA did…"

"Oh." She says simply, obviously surprised that I was aware of grandpas past. "Umm, well…things were different."

"How." I ask curtly.

"Your grandfather was away a lot and for long periods of time. I was used to having him be away."

"And so was my mom…."

Nana lets out another sigh before replying. "Yes, she was used to it, but it's different when it's your spouse, I know you may not understand that, but someday you will."

I nod my head, trying to take into consideration the story that grandpa told me. "What's done is done, right?" I say, trying to make her feel better, trying to make myself feel better. "You can't change the past, only the future."  
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McCoy glares at the door in front of him, cursing his mentor for throwing him back into this weird hallway. Making his way further down the corridor Danny spots another door. He looks around skeptically, as if waiting for some kid to jump out in a trucker hat and yell 'You've just been Punk'd'.

Laughing slightly at his own thought, he puts his hand out and turns the door handle. McCoy looks around eerily, wondering how on earth he could be here. For a moment he stops asking 'how' and just takes in a deep breath, taking in the old but familiar scent.

Sometimes at night he can see her, he can see them together. He can feel her soft touch against his arm, that simple touch that always let him know things were going to be okay. But even after all these years he still longs to smell her scent, to hear her laugh, to watch her smile one last time. Even after all these years he still wishes he could have said goodbye to his childhood friend; maybe this is his chance.  
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I sit in the living room with everyone, watching mom and nana play with Ruby and her dolls. The look of pure joy on Ruby's face is enough to make me feel like things will be okay. Even if I know we're not out of the storm yet, her smile lets me trick myself into happiness for a little while.

I chuckle silently as Ruby laughs at nana's attempt to play a man's voice with the Ken doll. "Nana!" Ruby squeals with laughter. "That's not a good boy's voice." She says, taking the doll from nana's hands. Nana puts on a fake offended look and shoots me a small smirk.

I can't help but laugh as I see what's coming next. Ruby turns to grandpa sitting on the couch beside me. "Grandpa…" she says, outstretching her hand with the doll towards him. "You can play Ken." She says insistently. Nana bites her lip, trying to hold back her laugh.

Grandpa looks to me for help, but I just shake my head, leaving him to fend for himself. "Oh no sweetie, that's ok. Why don't you have Josh play?" he says, trying to throw me under the bus.

"Josh?" She says with a grimaced face. "He's not good at barbies, he can't do the voices good." Grandpa looks around, trying to come up with some sort of excuse. "Grandpa!" Ruby shouts, walking towards him with the doll in her hand. "Play!" she shouts again, placing the doll in his hand and grabbing his other with hers to drag him to the floor where they are playing.

Mom looks to me with a smile spread across her face, trying not to burst out into hysterics in front of Ruby. The sight of grandpa making the Barbie walk is too much, nana lets out a snicker while I have to get up and leave the room to contain my composure. I walk into the kitchen over to the refrigerator, but before I open it I stop and stare at the picture held there by the Disneyland magnet; the picture of the four of us there, happy, smiling, together, for a moment I can feel it all come back, the happiness, the joy.  
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Danny freezes in his place as he sees her, just sitting there, as though this was completely normal; the funny thing is, to him, it feels totally natural. She smiles that sweet smile, melting Danny's heart.

"Hi…" she utters quietly, as if speaking too loud will shatter the moment. Danny breaks from his freeze and sprints to her, throwing his arms around her as she stands up to greet him. He squeezes her tightly while smelling the sweet coconut scent of her auburn hair. He doesn't say anything, not really caring if this is real or not, just thankful that it's happening. "I missed you too." She laughs, pulling trying to pull away. McCoy doesn't comply, therefore not letting up his grip at all, for fear of her disappearing before his eyes. "It's okay" she laughs again. "We have some time." she assures him.

Danny hesitantly pulls her away slightly, but still holds her at arms length. He shakes his head, wanting to ask 'how' but doesn't.

"It's been a long time." she says, looking her friend up and down.

"Seventeen years." Danny whispers, still in shock at the sight of her.

"You're life's been good Danny." she smiles. "You're children are beautiful." Danny smiles, a smile that his friend hadn't seen before. "Fatherhood suits you."

Danny smiles again and lowers his head. "I'm sorry…" he says quietly. "I should've protected you." He says still looking to the floor, unable to look into her eyes.

"Danny" she says, walking towards him, placing her hand on his cheek. "You protected me my entire life. The run had to end sometime, you couldn't protect me forever."

"I could have, I should have!" Danny replies in outrage.

"Danny." she says with a skeptical look. "What's done is done, and your life is wonderful. You have two beautiful kids and wife who loves you…."

"and you don't." he says, finally letting out his guilty conscience.  
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	4. Chapter 4 Lies, reality, & truth

**Chapter 4**

I take the juice out of the fridge and set it on the counter while I get a glass from the dishwasher. Grandpa walks in behind me, a tired look on his face. I laugh as he leans up against the counter letting out a heavy sigh. "What happened ken, don't want to play Barbie's anymore?" I ask with a smirk.

He chuckles, "Yeah, Ken accidently stepped in front of Barbie's moving Jeep."

I let out another loud laugh as I poor my juice. "Poor Ken." I joke. I get another glass out and reach up to the cabinet above the fridge, pulling out an old bottle of scotch. I poor the liquor into the glass and hand it to grandpa. He looks to me with half a smile and half a scowl, unsure of what his reaction should be. "Here," I say handing him the glass. "You could use a drink."

He takes the glass and swirls the scotch around before taking a sip. "You know." He says, feeling the burn as it runs down his throat. "You are mature beyond your years." He says nodding his head with approval.

"That's what dad says." I smile.

"You want a sip?" he asks, extending the glass out to me.

I look to him skeptically for a moment, but he pushes the glass towards me further. "Sure." I say shrugging my shoulders. I take the glass from him and hesitate before taking my first sip.

I bring the glass to my lips and let the liquid flow down my throat. My eyes squint at the burn, I open my mouth to let in some air, but the burn doesn't lighten. Grandpa looks at me laughing. "It's good," I say with a raspy voice; this only makes him laugh harder. We both chuckle for a bit, I take a sip of my juice to get rid of the burn; I look to grandpa wanting to ask the question.

He looks back to me, "What?" he asks, reading the look on my face.

"Why…what did you do?" I ask, my voice slightly shaking.

He looks to me with a stressed look, "You mean, why did we leave Las Vegas?" he asks, clarifying my question. I nod my head yes. "Before you were born…"  
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Danny sits on the couch beside his longtime friend, knowing the moment will soon end, but trying to rid the thought from his mind. The comfortable silence is broken as Mary stands up to face Danny.

Not knowing exactly what is going on, McCoy stands up as well. Mary wraps her arms around him, hugging him tighter than she ever had before. He hugs her back, afraid of what this might mean. "I love you." He whispers in her ear.

"I know, and I love you." She replies softly. Pulling away she wipes a tear from her eye and walks towards the door. "Goodbye Danny." she says with a smile. She opens the door quickly and walks out, shutting it behind her.

"Mary wait!" Danny cries, running after her. He swings open the door only to find himself in the white hallway again…alone.  
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"Before you were born, I worked at the Montecito as President of Operations." He says, the last part with a smile lurking on his lips and a confidence resting in his shoulders. "Your dad was head of security…" he trails off for a second as if remembering a simpler time. He shakes his head and comes back to reality. "I think you've probably heard your mom and dad talk about Mary?"

"Yeah, all the time. She was a friend of dad's when he was little right?" Sometimes, the way they talked about Mary, I get the feeling that she and dad were more than just friends, but that's not something you ask when mom's in the room.

Grandpa shakes and nods his head, like the teachers do when you get an answer half right. "Yeeaah." He says dragging it out.

"They were more than friends huh?" I ask, sort of excited to finally be getting real answers.

Grandpa nods his head, "I think your dad always had feelings for Mary, but when he was deployed the first time I think he realized how important she was to him…." He sighs, pausing for a second.

"But then she died….?"

"The night your dad was discharged he came back and had the ring in his pocket. Before he got a chance to ask her the casino was robbed. Your dad did everything he could but…."

"But?" I ask.

"But a single bullet was fired and….." He tries again, but stops before finishing the sentence.

"It hit Mary didn't it?" I ask, putting the pieces together.

Grandpa nods his head, closing his eyes with sorrow.

There's a short silence that I'm almost afraid to break. My curiosity finally gets the better of me, and I ask the question. "Grandpa….I'm glad I understand what happened to Mary….but what does this have to do with you leaving Vegas?"

"Right, well Mary's dad was…..he was a really bad guy. When Mary was little he ahhh…he did things…."

"I get it." I say raising my hand, not wanting to make him say it.

"A couple years after Mary died Frank's new wife came by work and asked for your dad. She was charging Frank for doing the same thing to their two little girls. The jury let him off and didn't even take away his shared custody. Your dad…..he…something needed to be done. Your mom was pregnant with you and I couldn't let him throw his life away."

"So, you killed Frank so dad didn't have to." I say understandingly.

"In so many words." He says nodding his head.  
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Danny sits on the floor of the white hallway, leaning against the wall. He slaps himself a few times, trying to wake himself up, but nothing happens. The door he had come out of was gone and another one hadn't appeared like the other times. Throwing his head back against the wall in frustration he hears a thump. He reopens his eyes and looks to the right, seeing a door appear in front of him. Danny stands up and walks to the door, hesitant to open it.

Taking in a deep breath he swings open the door and finds himself in the house he grew up in. He looks around in bewilderment, all the furniture he grew up with, all the old family photos, all of it was here. He smiles and picks up a picture of his mom and dad with him at little league.

The sound of footsteps startles the marine, causing him to jerk his head up to see the people standing before him. The sight of her makes him drop the photo. They both startled him, but her….she was…just the way he remembered her.

"Mom?" he asks, hearing the shake in his own voice. She nods her head with a smile and a tear. Danny rushes over to her and wraps his arms around her. He holds onto her for a long while before remembering who else was there. Letting her go, he turns to his father, now taking him into his arms. the tears streaming down Danny's face.

The countless number of times Danny had prayed and begged for this moment; now it was here. He wasn't exactly sure how it was here, but it was here.

"Hey buddy." His father says clapping Danny on the back.

Danny releases his grip and stands back, shocked at the sight of his parents standing before him.

"Come, sit down." His mother says, patting the seat cushion of the couch. Danny plops down into the chair as his parents take a seat on the couch, the whole time his eyes never leaving them. "How are you?" she asks, her voice soft and sweet.

Danny shakes his head, unsure of how to answer that question. "Uhhh, well…I'm married and I have two kids." He says with a proud smile.

"Yes, we've seen them. They're beautiful. What are their names?"

"My wife's name is Delinda, Dad you met her…" he says pointing to his father. Larry nods his head with a smile. "My oldest is fifteen, his name is Josh. And Ruby is four now." He says with some disbelief.

"They grow up fast." Larry says softly. Danny nods his head in agreement, wishing he could be with his family.

"I saw Mary!" Danny says changing the subject with a cheerful tone and pointing towards the door.

"We know." His mother says with a smile.

Danny scowls for a moment with confusion. "So how does this work? Am I dead? Do you get to see everyone in heaven, like Mary?" he asks, his hands in the air.  
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"And what are you two doing in here?" Mom asks, walking into the kitchen with a smile on her face.

I shake my head, "Nothing." I reply with a shrug of my shoulders. On some level I want to tell her I know, I want to tell her that I understand everything now. On the other hand I don't want to bring any of it up, my mother is back and I don't want that other woman she'd become over the past months to come back.

Grandpa kicks me under the table, interrupting my thoughts. "Don't you think that sounds like fun?" he asks, trying to save me.

"Uhh yeah, sounds fun." I say, taking a cue from grandpa's stare.

"Good, well you boys have a good time." mom says giving both grandpa and I a kiss on the cheek.

She leaves the room and I look back to grandpa who is laughing at me. "What?" I ask, completely lost as to what just happened.

"Come on." He says, standing up and placing his hand on my shoulder as he passes me.

"Where are we going?" I ask again. I look to him, but he turns around to face me, giving me the look that says 'just shut up and move'  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Larry looks to his wife with an uneasy look in his eye. Danny scowls, catching the look his father gives to his mother. "What?" He asks, starting to feel a nervousness creep up on him. His parents remain silent. "What!" he shouts again.

"We love you son." His mother says softly, a look of acceptance washing over her face.

"Wait, what? I don't understand." He says starting to panic as the room fades away.

"CLEAR!!"

"Mom!" he yells with an unsure tone.

"CLEAR!!" he hears again.

Suddenly he can feel his lungs start to close off, he strains to take another breath but can't find the air. The faint image of his parents fades completely, leaving him in complete darkness.

"CLEAR!" with that last word McCoy feels a jolt to his chest, causing him to thrust his body upward, taking in as much air into his lungs as possible.

He looks around the room, feeling angry. The marine yells and rips at his IV's. "DELINDA!!!" he screams, trying to jump off the table.

"Hold him down!" the doctor screams, trying his hardest to hold the marine down on the gurney.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I walk to the front door and wait for grandpa as he kisses Ruby goodbye. He finally makes it to the front door and claps me on the back.

"Ready to go champ?" he asks with a smile, opening the door quickly.

"Ed?" a voice comes from the other side of the open door. Grandpa's head snaps to his right and his smile fades.

Uncle Mike stands frozen with shock. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

Grandpa lets out a deep breath and throws out his arms, bringing Uncle Mike in for a hug. "How've ya been Mikey?" he asks, hugging Uncle Mike tightly. Mike looks to me over grandpa's shoulder with awe.

They both pull away starring at each other for a long while; taking in the affects of time and age each has endured.

"Ed…I.." Uncle Mike starts.

Grandpa puts up his hand, stopping Mike from saying anything. "Josh and I were just about to go for a drive, why don't you come along?"

Mike nods his head and walks to his car silently. We all pile in; Uncle Mike driving, Grandpa in the passenger seat, and me in the back. Uncle Mike moves to start the car but stops and sits back in his seat, looking over to Grandpa. "It's been a long time." he says simply.

Grandpa nods his head with sorrow. "Fifteen years…"

Uncle Mike lets out one of those laughs when he can't quite believe what he's seeing. "Ed you know Deli…." Uncle Mike stops and looks at me quickly then back to grandpa.

Grandpa shakes his head, "It's okay. Josh told me everything."

Mike lets out a deep sigh of relief, thankful that he wasn't the one that had to tell his former boss that his daughter was losing it.

There's an awkward silence that is broken by the ringing of a cell phone. Grandpa looks down to his belt and picks up the phone looking at the caller I.D. He then takes some sort of adapter out of his pocket and attaches it to the phone. "Ya" he answers. "How many?....From Who?...Ya ok, Desert Inn Motel in half an hour." He says into the phone. He then hangs up and looks to me and Uncle Mike. Mike nods his head and starts the car.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Doctor?" the nurse asks softly.

The doctor turns around and sees the chart in the nurse's hands. He moves around to look at it over her shoulder. "What do we got?" he asks.

"Well we still have Lieutenant McCoy in a medically induced coma and the artery repair seems to be doing well, but he seems to be having severe R.E.M. I think it may be best to wake him up as soon as possible." She says with confidence.

The doctor nods his head, and looks to the nurse. "Has his family been notified?"

"No doctor." The nurse replies.

"Why don't you get me his information and I'll give them a call." He says with a sigh.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ruby sits on the floor, her back up against the foot of the couch, where Delinda and Jillian happen to be sitting. Delinda rubs the top of her daughters head lovingly and looks to her own mother. "It feels like you never left." Delinda says quietly, so as not to disrupt her daughter's television show. Jillian smiles to Delinda and opens her mouth to say something, but is disrupted the ringing of the phone.

Delinda sighs and gets up to answer the phone. "Hello?" she answers.

"Mrs. McCoy?" a man asks.

"Yes, this is she." She answers with smile as she looks at her laughing daughter.

"Mrs. McCoy, this Dr. Major Stinson…"

"Oh my god…" Delinda cries.


	5. Chapter 5 Past & Present

**Chapter 5**

Uncle Mike and I sit in the car watching Grandpa talking to a man in the parking lot. Grandpa talks to the man seriously, constantly looking from side to side and over his shoulder. Uncle Mike hasn't really said anything since we got in the car except for the occasional grunt after I ask him a question. He stares out at grandpa, his eyes following his every move.

"What's he doing?" I ask, more to myself than to Mike. He shrugs his shoulders anyway, still never saying anything.

Grandpa takes some papers from the man and looks them over quickly before nodding his head and walking back to us. I sigh with relief as he nears the car, grateful that this awkward silence will be broken.

"How long?" Uncle Mike asks suddenly, causing me to jump. I hesitate, unsure of what he's asking. "how long's he been here?" he clarifies, a stern tone in his voice, something I've never heard come from him before.

"A few hours." I reply quickly, wanting to get the words out before grandpa gets back in the car. As the last word leaves my lips grandpa's hand jerks open the car door, again causing me to jump. He sticks the papers in the inside pocket of his leather jacket, obviously expecting us not to ask what they were.

"Where to?" Uncle Mike asks curtly.

Grandpa looks to me with a scowl, looking for some help. I shrug my shoulders, unable to give him any assistance. "Something bothering you Mike?" he asks, more angry than sincere.

He had obviously forgotten grandpa's intimidating ways, because as soon as the harsh words left grandpas mouth the look of anger on Uncle Mike's face fades slightly. Uncle Mike shakes his head and drives out of the parking lot, silently.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Delinda wraps both of her hands around the phone and slides down to the floor. Her mother looks to her worriedly for a split second before running to her daughter's aid.

"Mrs. McCoy? Are you there?" the doctor asks from the other end of the phone.

"Yes…" she sniffles.

"Mrs. McCoy, your husband has been injured, he just came out of surgery and is currently in stable condition, but we have him in a medically induced coma…."he stops for a moment to let her take the information in. "Mrs. McCoy, do you understand what I am saying?" he asks kindly.

"But he's okay?" she asks, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Yes, he's fine now, but he's been severely injured. One of his major arteries was severed and he has some shrapnel damage as well…."

"How?" she asks, cutting the doctor off. "How did it happen?" she asks more calmly, trying to regain her composure as she sees Ruby walking towards her.

Major Stinson hesitates for a second before continuing, "Lt. McCoy and his men were under mortar fire when one landed next him." he says putting it simply, leaving out the part about Danny trying to save his men.

"When will they send him home?"

"Well ma'am, your husband's injuries are very serious, a trip like that could set back his healing time by several months."

"With all due respect Major Stinson, you can't expect me to just sit here while my husband his lying in a hospital bed somewhere." She says curtly.

"Lt. McCoy will be transferred to a hospital in India in the morning…"

"India, isn't that going the wrong way? I was under the impression that injured soldiers were sent to Germany."

"Yes ma'am well that is usually the case, but the flight path to Germany is currently not as safe as we would like it to be…."

"Yeah well, if the world was as safe as we would like it to be, Major, my husband wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed right now would he." she says curtly. The doctor doesn't reply, knowing full well he wasn't going to get anywhere with her. "I will be on the first flight out…"

"Ma'am I strongly urge you not to…"he tries to say.

"Major! I will be on the first flight out!"

Jillian stares at her daughter, wanting to know what the doctor was saying to get her daughter so agitated. Instead she holds her granddaughter in her arms, wanting more than anything to be able to tell her that her daddy was going to be ok, but she can't because in her head she knows the reality of the situation. She's been in Delinda's shoes, she's gotten that phone call, she's felt her heart beat so fast that she thought it would break.

"Yes doctor, I understand." Delinda says politely, "thank you." With the last two words leaving her daughters mouth, Jillian snaps back to reality.

"Are you ok mommy?" Ruby asks with her tiny voice.

Delinda smiles at her little girl and runs her hand over her cheek. "Yeah baby, I'm fine. Can you do me a favor and go pick up your Barbie's?" Ruby nods her head and runs into the living room, her little feet making the tip-tap noise on the hardwood floors.

Jillian looks to her daughter, almost afraid of what she's going to say. Delinda takes in a deep breath before telling her mother the news. "He's in the hospital…"  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

We pull into the baskin robbins parking lot, quietly. Uncle Mike lets out sigh, not big enough to draw the attention of someone, but grandpa isn't just 'someone'.

"Why don't you tell us what's on your mind, huh Mike!" Grandpa barks.

Uncle Mike turns in his seat to face grandpa now, a look of anger and determination on his face. "Fine!" he shouts back. "Fifteen years you've been gone; without so much as a word. How many times did I lay my ass on the line for you back then? How many times?" he yells. "God only knows how many times you've been back to see D and the kids, how many times you've talked to them. I'm not sure what I did to make you distrust me….if I hadn't showed up on the doorstep today I'd bet you a thousand bucks you still wouldn't have seen us…." he stops, taking a breath.

"You finished?" grandpa asks with a rather bored tone. Uncle Mike nods his head and glances to me. "You know I had to leave. Did I want to; no, but I did what I had to, to protect my family and I didn't contact you because you are a part of my family Mike, and I couldn't risk putting you in danger."

"But it's okay to put D and the kids in danger?" he asks defensively.

Grandpa sighs, "No, but if they had to run they could. I couldn't ask you, Nessa, and Sam to give up your lives if something happened. Danny and Delinda could handle it, and the kids were so young they wouldn't know the difference…"

"What about now? They're old enough to realize it now." He says looking to me.

"Yeah…yeah they are." Grandpa says nodding his head, glancing to me for a second. "but…you've seen Delinda. I couldn't let her go through this alone anymore; I couldn't let the kids go through this anymore."

Uncle Mike nods his head in either understanding or defeat, maybe a bit of both; he then lowers his head and closes his eyes. Grandpa reaches out and places his hand on Mike's shoulder. I jump when I hear the loud ring of a phone. Grandpa lets out a loud sigh and picks up his phone.

"Yeah?" he answers irritably. I watch him as he listens to whoever is on the other end. I watch as his face whitens, as he looks to me quickly then back out the window, as he puts his hand to his face, and as he hangs up, holding his breath. "uhh…"

"Dad?" I state more than ask. Grandpa wearily nods his head. "Is he alive?" I ask, I hope, I pray. Grandpa again nods his head. "It's bad though…" I say, watching the look of horror on Uncle Mikes face intensify.

"Yes." Grandpa replies softly.

"We need to go home." I tell uncle mike, but he can't hear me. I lean up in my seat and put my hands on his shoulders. "Mike!" I yell, shaking him aggressively. He looks to me surprised. "We have to go home."  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

A nurse walks into Danny's room, checking his vitals. As she does so everything seems to be normal, except that he seems to be having severe R.E.M. The doctor walks in behind her, asking for Lt. McCoy's condition.

"Everything seems to be fine doctor, but he is having some rapid eye movement."

"Yeah, well that's normal. Several coma patients tend to relive events while they are in this sort of state."

_Danny and Ed walk into the restaurant and sit down quietly, thanking the waitress as she hands them their menus. _

"_I haven't been here in forever." Ed says casually as he looks over his menu. He stops for a second, thinking "in fact I think the last time I ate here was when you and Delinda first started seeing each other." He says laughing, thinking to himself that it seemed like ages ago. _

"_Yeah, and she practically mauled me at the table." Danny says with a chuckle. Ed looks up to Danny over his menu with a look of awkwardness, thinking to himself how much she has changed since then. "Who would of thought then that…"Danny stops and swallows the lump forming in his throat. _

_Ed looks to his protégé curiously, "thought what?" he asks. _

_Danny wipes the beads of sweat from his forehead with his sleeve, he swallows again, "Who would have thought then that the next time we'd be here I'd be asking you for your permission to marry Delinda." He says with half a laugh. _

_Ed blinks his eyes a few times and jerks his head back. _

"_Sir…I'm asking for your daughters hand in marriage." He says again, this time more traditionally. _

_Ed looks to his right for a moment and then stands up and walks to Danny's chair. McCoy begins to feel uneasy; he closes his eyes for a second and raises his hand. "Listen Ed, I love Delinda with all my…"_

_Ed cuts him off and outstretches his arms. Danny hesitates for moment before standing up. Ed wraps his arms around Danny and claps him on the back as he does so. "Welcome to the family son."  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………._

Delinda pulls her suitcase out from under her bed and throws it on top. She begins to pull everything out of her closet and throw it into the bag. Her mother walks in slowly, looking to her with sympathy. "Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me pack." She barks.

Jillian moves forward, standing in the way of Delinda and the suitcase. "Stop." She says calmly.

"What are you doing I have to pack." Delinda says irritably, trying to brush past her mother.

"Delinda, stop!" she says more forcefully, grabbing her daughter's arms. Delinda does stop, and looks to her mother for a moment. She then begins to cry and falls into her mother's arms like she used to when she was young. "I know…but he's okay." Jillian whispers, trying to soothe her daughter's pain. "We have to be strong now, for Josh and Ruby." She says, pulling her daughter away just far enough to look into her eyes. Delinda nods her head and wipes the tears from her eyes. As she does so she hears the front door open.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Mom!" I call as I throw the front door open. I can see mom run out into the hallway from her bedroom. As soon as my eyes land on her I run to her, throwing my arms around her neck. She opens her mouth, getting ready to say something of comfort to me, but before she can I say something.

"He's alive!" I cheer, pulling away to look at my mom.

Delinda scowls for a moment, wondering where on earth her son got such a wonderful attitude, then she remembers her husband and lets out a huge smile.

"I know." She says smiling. "but he was hurt so I'm going to go see him and bring him back with me."

"I'm going?" I ask with panic. I look to her and then to grandpa behind me. "I'm going!" I say again, this time telling them.

"Josh…" mom starts, rubbing the sides of my arms.

"No!" I shout, pushing her hands away. "I'm going; I've been sitting in this house for months wondering if my dad was going to come home alive and quite frankly if my mother would ever come back. Now you're telling me that he's okay and won't let me see him! Are you high?" I scream. Mom opens her mouth to argue with me but never gets the words out.

"Ok" grandpa says from behind me. "Ok, you can go." I smile and run to him, hugging him, thanking god that he is here.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_Danny looks to Ed in his office then back down to his watch. He places his hand back in his pocket and rubs the tiny black velvet box. He closes his eyes tightly and takes in a deep breath. He then walks up the two or three steps to Ed's office and puts on a fake smile as he sees both Ed and Mike talking. "You ready?" he asks, shrugging his shoulders. _

_Mike smiles and furrows his brow. "Yeah…are you ok? You look like you've just seen a ghost."_

"_Yeah, just nervous about that loan application I sent in." Danny lies. _

"_Oh don't worry about it, people worse off than you have been granted loans." Mike laughs. He then moves ahead of Danny and starts to walk out of the office. Danny looks to Ed nervously and lets out another deep breath. _

_Ed claps his shoulder, "calm down, you'll be fine." He reassures his young protégé and soon to be son-in-law._

_After they have all eaten they sit around the table talking and smiling. Danny looks to Ed again, looking for some encouragement. Ed complies and gives him a nod of the head. Taking in a deep breath Danny turns to Delinda and grabs her hand, causing her to stop her conversation with Sam and look to him. _

"_Delinda…you know that I love you with all my heart." He starts, now feeling the rest of the table stopping their conversations to stare at him. "When I woke up this morning and saw you next to me I thought…'if I could wake up like this every morning, my life would be perfect'. So I guess what I'm asking is…" he scoots back his chair and gets down on one knee. "I guess what I'm asking is will you wake up next to me every morning? Delinda Deline, will you marry me?" he asks, taking the ring from his pocket and opening the box before her. _

_Delinda's face floods with tears of joy as she smiles and replies, "nothing would make me happier" Danny jumps up and picks her up in his arms kissing her. The whole restaurant begins to clap and cheer for the happy couple. _

_She pulls away for a moment and he sets her back down on the ground, slipping the ring on her finger. She smiles down at it and looks back to her family at the table. "Well since tonight is a night for surprises…" she says, now looking back to Danny. She takes both of his hands in hers. "I'm pregnant." She says with a smile, a tear, and a shrug of her shoulders. Danny's mouth drops slightly. "you're going to be a daddy." _

_Danny's gaping mouth quickly transforms into a wide smile. "What?" He says excitedly._

"_I found out this morning." Danny hugs her again and pulls away quickly, placing his hand on her belly. _

"_I'm going to be a dad." He says with awe and excitement.  
_………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Mom looks to grandpa with an angry face as I turn around. "Josh, go help Ruby clean up the living room." She orders.

"but I…"

"now!" she barks. I look to grandpa who nods his head reassuringly and then do as I was told. I pretend to be picking up some Barbie shoes as I listen intently to their conversation.

"What are you doing, telling him that he can go?" mom whispers harshly.

"Well he has a point D…"

"I don't care if he's right or not, you can't just waltz in here and overrule me, I'm his mother."

I can hear grandpa sigh with what seems to be defeat, but I know better. He's playing dead now, letting mom think that she has won. "You're right, I'm sorry. But I really think you should let him go, I mean the kid wants to see his dad and its only India for crying out loud."

"yeah bu…wait a minute how did you know he was going to India? Actually how did you know he was hurt? I didn't call you." There is a silence and I can't tell what's going on or who is looking at who. Then I hear her say. "Jesus daddy, you probably knew before I did." She says angrily.

They continue to bicker for a bit before she finally says the magic words. "Alright, he can come." I walk back into the kitchen passing them on the way to my bedroom. "where are you going?" mom asks me with half a smile.

I shout back, "to pack."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_Danny stands at the front of the alter, waiting anxiously for the moment to come. He has each hand clasped together in front of him, trying his best not show his nervousness. Mike pats him on the shoulder, trying to give him some steadiness. Danny smiles his wide smile and leans up on his tippy toes with excitement. The bridesmaids and the groomsmen start to walk down the aisle; Sam and Jeremy walk towards him, then Nessa and Mitch, then Sarasvati and Greg. _

_Jillian smiles at Danny from the front row and gives him a wink. The butterflies in Danny's stomach intensify, causing him to act all the more anxious. Just when he thinks they couldn't get any worse…the music starts. _

_The doors from the back of the alter fly open, the people in the crowd before him all stand up and turn to face her. As his eyes land on her face the butterflies in his stomach vanish, leaving him with a complete feeling of comfort. She walks down the aisle elegantly, her dress flowing behind her, her arm interlocked with her father's as he escorts her to the front of the alter. _

_She reaches the front and the priest proceeds to say something, but the words never reach Danny's ears, he can only see her, the face he was going to wake up next to for the rest of his life, the rest of his life with her, the life he couldn't wait to get started. _

_He snaps back to reality as he sees Ed starring at him, Danny reaches out his hand and shakes Ed's hand before his soon to be father in-law takes a seat. _

_Delinda takes a few steps closer to her soon to be husband and takes his hands in hers. She smiles at him, thinking to herself 'how did I get so lucky?' she tightens her grip a little, causing Danny's goofy grin to widen. _

"_Dearly beloved…" the priest starts, but again the happy couple is oblivious to him. It is not until he hears 'may I have the rings please…" that Danny tunes back in. it's at this time that he realizes it is time for him to read his vows he spent countless hours writing and perfecting. _

"_Delinda… you are the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last person I think of before I go to sleep at night. _

_We have been through so much in our lifetime, things that most people couldn't imagine…but I wouldn't change any of it, if it meant you not coming into my life. As long as I get to wake up to you every morning my life will be perfect; you are my life."  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………_


	6. Chapter 6 Father and Son

**Chapter 6**

I finish throwing some clothes into one of dad's old duffle bags and look around my room, seeing if there's anything that I am missing. I can hear mom in the other room, trying to explain to Ruby where we're going. Ruby tries her best to beg to come with us, but mom holds her ground. I pick up my bag and walk out into the living room to be of some assistance. I place my hand on moms shoulder as she tries explaining to Ruby that she won't be coming. Mom then stands up and lets me try.

I bend down to her eye level, placing my hands on her small arms. "You know how every night we wish upon a star that daddy will come home?"

She nods her head slowly with her lip out pouting.

"Well our wish came true, but mommy and I have to go get him and bring him back."

"Why can't I come?" she asks, a tear forming in her little eyes.

I look to nana and then back to Ruby. "Nana has to stay here and watch the house for us, but she's kind of afraid to stay by herself. Do you think you can stay with her and make her feel better?" I ask, looking to nana again. Ruby looks to her too and nana puts on her best fake scared face.

Ruby suddenly becomes very cheerful and confident. "I can do it." She says putting her hands on her hips.

"I don't know….it's a tough job. Maybe I should just stay home with nana, I'm not sure that you can do it." I say, pretending as if I would really stay.

"No!" she yells at me. "I can do it, I'm brave."

"Ok, but I'm going to call everyday and if nana says she's scared I'm coming right back home."

Ruby then puts the duffle bag strap on my shoulder and tries to life me up by my elbow. "ok, buh bye." She says, guiding me towards the door.

We all walk towards the door and stare at one another for a moment. I move to nana and wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly. "Thank you." I whisper. I pull away and start to panic; no one has ever taken care of Ruby before, what if something goes wrong. "She's pretty good at eating what you tell her, but she can't go to bed unless you tuck her in and read her a story. If that still doesn't work she likes it if you read her one of dad's letters. Oh and school starts at 8:30 and gets out at 1:00…."

"Josh.." Mom cuts in, her hand on my shoulder. "she has raised a child before." She says laughing.

"Right." I say, almost forgetting. I bend down again and look to Ruby. "I'll be back in a few days…" I had no idea I would react like this, but I can feel myself start to choke up. "Take care of nana." She again nods her head and lunges back at me, throwing her arms around my neck.

"Give this hug to daddy for me."

"I will." I reply, hugging her tightly. I then stand up and walk out to the car, uncle Mike at my side.

"You okay?" he asks as I load my bag into the back of the car. I nod my head silently. "You excited?"

I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly as I look to him. "Yeah." I reply simply. "I just can't believe he's actually coming home….I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach like something was going to go wrong."

"You're just like Ed that way, always anticipating the worst case scenario."

I nod my head, looking to the ground. "Don't be mad at him." I say, moving my head back up to face him. "He was only doing what he thought was best…..he always talked about you and dad when he came to visit."

Uncle Mike nods his head and looks away for a second. "I know…."

"You ready?" Grandpa asks, walking up behind Mike.

"yep." I say, taking grandpa's bag from him and loading it in the back of the car. Mom walks up so I take hers too, but I can tell by the look on her face that something is wrong. "What?" I ask as she tries to brush past me.

"nothing." She replies with that stupid fake smile she pastes on her face.

I turn to Uncle Mike again and give him a hug before I get in the car. "Take care of them."

Uncle Mike laughs, "You sound just like your dad"

I chuckle and wave to nana and Ruby standing on the front porch. "Bye!" I shout, as I get into the car. Grandpa starts up the Yukon and back out of the driveway slowly. I wave to the three of them for as long as I can before we turn the corner. For a second I realize this must have been how dad felt, leaving his family; only he didn't know if he would ever see them again.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Mike turns back to Jillian and walks into the house. He sits down on the couch as he enters the living room. Jillian sets Ruby down and takes a seat next to him.

"You look good." Jillian says, trying her best to break the awkward silence.

Mike lets out a chuckle and shakes his head. "I'm so tired. I don't know how Ed and Danny ever did this job; especially Danny, with the two kids at home. I have one and I can hardly balance work and home."

"Delegate." Jillian answers.

Mike look to her with half a scowl and half a smile. "What?" he asks confusedly.

"Just what I said, delegate. Think about it, when Ed was running things he had you and Danny to trust, to hand things off too. When Danny was in charge he had you to share his work load. Now it's just you, carrying the work load of what used to take three people."

Mike nods his head and looks to Jillian with awe, "I guess I never looked at it that way."

"Plus Danny will be back soon, and until then you just need some help. Get Mitch to do some stuff."

"Actually Mitch doesn't work with us anymore." Mike replies, an uncomfortable look in his eyes.

"What? Since when?"

"About six or seven years now. We still hear from him from time to time."

"Why'd he leave?"

Mike hesitates, "Well…after Ed left, the Montecito bounced around to different owners, the one that we had then was a….a real piece of work. He tried to force Danny into firing most of the staff. By most of the staff I mean anyone who was loyal to Ed or even Danny for that matter."

"well if the owner didn't like Danny why did he keep him on as President of Operations?"

"Apparently it was in the sales agreement that Danny was to be given a five year contract. So the owner was trying to either make Danny quit or get rid of anyone who was loyal to him. Mitch had had enough, they lowered his salary, gave him the worst shifts. It was like this for over a year."

"Well what happened that it's not like that anymore?"

"Danny went and talked to the bank and some investors and ended up getting the guy to sell."

"Wait…so Danny owns the hotel?" Jillian asks with bewilderment.

"Well partially, there are a few other partners that are in it with him. But with the way things are going I wouldn't be surprised if Danny could end up buying them out in a few years."  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's quiet for most of the ride to the airport, except for the occasional cough or clearing of the throat. We pull into the private hanger and in front of the Montecito jet. As we step out of the car grandpa stops and stares up at the plane.

"What?" I ask, wondering what it was that had him so focused.

"Nothing, it's just been a long time since I've been on this plane." He laughs.

It has to be weird for him, to see all these things that he used to see every day.

"Are you ready Mrs. McCoy?" the pilot asks, walking down the stairs of the plane.

"Yeah, Jeff. Thanks." She answers sweetly.

I hand Jeff the bags from the car so he can load them in the plane. I close up the car, click the lock button, and head up the stairs to the plane. I stop half way up as I realize grandpa isn't behind me. "You coming?" I ask.

Grandpa shakes his head clear of whatever he was thinking about and looks to me, "yeah, I'm coming." He says, starting up the stairs.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_He sits at his desk in his office, fast asleep. His head lies on a stack of binders he was supposed to be going through. Mike bursts through his office door in a panic. "Danny!" he screams, looking relieved to have finally found him. _

_Danny shoots upright, some papers still sticking to the side of his face. "I'm almost done." He shouts, replying to someone he had been having a conversation with in his dream. _

"_No you're not, you're just getting started." Mike says with a smile, rushing to Danny's side. "It's time pal."_

_Danny looks to Mike with a confused look for a second before he realizes just what he is talking about. "It's time?" _

"_It's time. Come on, you have to get going." Mike says, grabbing Danny's elbow and heaving him out of his chair. _

"_Oh my god! I'm going to be a dad!" Danny cheers. _

"_Yes you are dad, but Delinda is going to be a mother first unless you get your ass in gear." Mike replies, grabbing Danny's car keys off the desk and pushing Danny out the office door. _

_McCoy runs down to his bright yellow Camaro and speeds off to the hospital just as fast as he can. He runs into the hospital and takes the route as planned to the delivery wing. Breathlessly he asks one of the nurses at the front desk where his wife is. The nurse calmly hands Danny a pair of scrubs and escorts him to the delivery room. He walks in to see Delinda trying to breathe as she was taught at her Lamaze classes. _

"_Thank God!" she screams. _

"_hey baby, how you doing?" he asks sweetly. _

"_How do you think I'm doing, I'm trying to push a watermelon through a grape here!" she yells, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer. _

"_Okay Delinda, one more big push." Dr. Mars says. Danny moves from Delinda's side for a moment. _

"_Oh my God I can see the head D. Come on one more push." Delinda takes in a deep breath and pushes. "Delinda it's boy!" Danny yells with joy. "It's a boy, it's a boy!" he continues to cheer. _

"_Would you like to do the honors dad?" Dr. Mars asks, handing Danny a pair of scissors. He smiles, taking them and gently cutting the cord. The nurse then wraps his newborn son in a blanket and hands him to Danny. _

_The sudden feeling of pure love rushes through him as he stares down at this tiny little boy in his arms. He then walks over to Delinda and hands her their son. "Meet your mommy Josh." He whispers. _

_Delinda holds her son then looks up to Danny. "I wish daddy and mom were here." She says, a tear rolling down her cheek with both sadness and joy. _

"_Me too." Danny says softly, kissing the top of her head.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………_

Mom lies on the couch of the plane, trying to fall asleep; grandpa sits at the table, pulling something out of his jacket pocket; as for me, I sit across from grandpa trying my best not to show my excitement.

As I sit here my eyes focus on the piece of paper in grandpa's hands. He opens the envelope that the man had given him earlier in the parking lot. What caught my eye at first was the hand writing, but it was the stained envelope that sold me.

"I didn't know he sent you letters." I say smoothly.

Grandpa looks up from the letter with a startled look. "What?" he asks, trying to play dumb, but doing a horrible job, especially for a spy.

I point to the envelope and repeat myself. "I didn't know that he sent you letters. I didn't know we _could_ send you letters."

He fidgets in his seat for a second. "Yeah, well it's not easy getting them. You saw me having to meet the guys in the parking lot."

I nod my head, wanting to ask what dad says to him, but I know that is not my place. So instead I sit quietly, uncomfortably, and wonder what he might write to grandpa about. I would imagine the things he couldn't or wouldn't tell us, like how it really is over there. I guess it doesn't really matter now, he's coming home.

As excited as I am about him coming back home, I can't help but feel…worried. What if the man that comes back isn't the dad I knew? What if he comes back like Joey Tibbs' dad? I don't think I could handle that. My mom disappeared the last few months and was replaced with an emotionless shell. If dad came back like that….he just can't; he's dad, he's always been the rock I could lean on.

Grandpa looks up from the letter again and looks to me quickly, hoping that I didn't see him. He shifts in his seat again and looks out the window. "You know…" he starts, still not looking to me. "When Dann…when you see your dad he might act a little differently and…."

"I know." I say, cutting him off.

Grandpa looks to me now and nods his head. "I just didn't want you to think that everything was going to go back to normal right away." He says, trying to explain himself. "it will…"

"It will just take time, I know." I say irritably. If there's one thing I can't stand it's when people treat me like a kid. I guess technically I am a kid, but I think I have proved myself over these past few months. I guess I can't really be mad at grandpa though, he's always treated me like an equal. "I'm sorry, I just…"

"Don't worry about it." He says coolly. There is a pause where the only noises that can be heard are the loud hums of the jet engines, and a low snoring coming from my mother. I look to her and let out a soft chuckle, grandpa does the same. "She's always snored." He says with a grin. "and she 's always denied it." He adds with a snigger.

The grin from my face fades, I turn to grandpa again.

"Do you believe in God?" I ask.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….


	7. Chapter 7 Faith and Hopelessness

**Chapter 7**

"Do I believe in God?" he says repeating my question. I nod my head, confirming. "Well, yeah I guess I do; why?"

I look out the window wishing that I hadn't asked the question. "I don't know." I say, hoping that he would just drop the topic, but he doesn't.

"Yes you do." he says, calling my bluff.

"I guess I don't." I say shrugging my shoulders. He nods his head, accepting my answer for what it was. I've always loved that about him, he's never judged me.

"Why?" he asks calmly.

"I guess…I guess I just can't see how one guy who is thought to be so great and powerful and wise could take fathers away from their families and children from their parents and…" I let out a sigh, catching my breath. "It just doesn't seem fare." I say trying to get my point across.

Grandpa looks to me nodding his head. "I can see where you're coming from." He says still nodding his head.

I know there is something he is wanting to say, or rather wanting me to ask. "Why do you believe?"

He lets out a deep breath. "Because there were times when I thought I was going to die, times when it looked like there was no way out, times when I thought I would never see my family again. In those moments when there's nothing left to do, no other way to try to help myself I prayed. Every time I somehow was able to return home, able to see me family."

"But how do you know if that's God or if that's just the outcome of your actions?" I ask.

He smiles before answering. "I think it's a bit of both. That hope that there is a force out there, greater than I could imagine, looking out for me gave me the strength to keep moving on."

I nod my head, understanding what he's saying, but still not believing. "But he's obviously not looking out for everyone because there are still hundreds of our soldiers being sent home in body bags." I say, my voice with a harsh tone in it that caught even me off guard.

He nods his head again, "well that's just a decision that you have to make on your own, whether to believe or not to believe."  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The hours on the plane pass slowly. I try my best to fall asleep, hoping it will pass the time quicker, but I can't. My mind won't stop spinning, spinning with excitement, fear, and apprehension. I open my eyes again to see both mom and grandpa fast asleep. I sigh heavily and look out the window at the deep blue water beneath me. There is something about the water that always seems to calm me down. Dad and I used to go out to Lake Mead once a month, not really because we planned it, it was always just a spur of the moment kind of thing. I wonder if it will be the same when he comes home or if we will ever go back.

Some turbulence hits, causing me to leave my thoughts. Grandpa opens his eyes suddenly, looking around, and sitting up in his seat. He looks to his watch, then to me, out the window, and back to me.

"You seem to be a pro at flying." He says quietly, not wanting to wake up mom.

I nod my head, "yeah we fly a lot. Dad was talking about getting his pilot's license before he was…before he was deployed." I say, mumbling the latter part.

Grandpa nods his head, as though he hadn't noticed my mumbling. "yeah, that would be nice."

"How long is the flight?" I ask changing the subject

"Thirteen hours." He replies with a yawn and glance at his watch. "so we have…"

"Six more hours." I answer quickly. My eyes travel to his coat pocket. "Do you talk to him?" I ask, again changing the subject.

He sighs heavily and shakes his head, "no" he answers. "it's a big enough risk calling you."

"Do you ever regret it?" I ask, "leaving?"

"not for a second," he answers without stopping to think about it. "do I miss Vegas, do I wish I could stay and watch you grow up? Absolutely. But do I regret my decision? Not at all."

I nod my head, wondering what things would have been like, had he made a different choice.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jillian sits in the living room, watching television as Ruby sleeps beside her. The phone rings loudly, causing her to jump. She stands up and tiredly walks over to the phone. "hello?" she answers.

The woman on the other end of the phone hesitates, unable to truly believe her own ears.

"Hello?" Jillian asks again, getting rather irritated.

"Jillian?" Sam asks with disbelief.

Jillian sighs, wishing that she hadn't picked up the phone; not that she didn't like Sam, but this can of worms she had so long been avoiding had just been opened. "just come over" she says curtly and hanging up the phone.

Not more than ten minutes later Sam shows up on the McCoy's doorstep. The five rapid knocks on the door indicate that she is there. Jillian smiles to herself at the sound and walks to the door.

As soon as she opens the door Sam's jaw drops. "what…?"

Jillian smiles and waves the young woman in. "Hi Sam." she says hugging the feisty brunette.

Sam walks in, not believing what is happening. "What…How…Why…?" Sam stutters.

"Why don't we take a seat?" Jillian says, motioning towards the kitchen table. "How've you been?" she asks kindly.

Sam shakes her head, "uhh…fine." There is a silence, both of them lost in thought. "Where's Delinda? Where are the kids?" Sam asks looking around the house. "…and Ed?"

Jillian takes in a deep breath before answering, "Ruby's in the living room sleeping" she says motioning to the next room.

"and the others?" Sam asks, her stomach clenching, afraid to hear the answer.

"Danny's been injured." Jillian says softly, her face filling with fear and sorrow.

"Oh my God…" Sam mumbles, closing her eyes, and lowering her head into her hands. "Is he…?"

"They say he should be ok, at least that's what we've been told. Delinda, Ed, and Josh are on their way to see him."

"See him?" she asks confusedly, "when's he coming home?"

Jillian shakes her head, "I don't know."  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Five hours later_

I walk over to mom and nudge her slightly. The pills she takes for flying really do a number. "We're almost there." I whisper.

She sits up and runs her hands through her hair. She looks to her watch and then to grandpa, who is checking the clip he's about to load in his pistol.

Most people would be startled by this, but at this point I'm used to it. My dad being a marine and spending most of his time in surveillance and security, guns are just another part of daily life. At the age of twelve I could take a pistol apart, clean it, and put it back together again. Not that mom knows any of this, but with everything dad has experienced I figure he thinks I need to know how to use a firearm.

Suddenly I can feel the landing gear begin to deploy. Within minutes we are on the ground, outside, getting our bags.

The car ride to the hospital is short, but the car is old and smells of rotting chicken with a musty tint to it. The amount of flies is disturbing, but at this point the only thing I can think about is dad.

Thankfully we arrive at the front entrance and walk into the lobby. Grandpa walks right to the front desk with mom and me at his heels. "We are here to see Lieutenant McCoy." He says with a stern voice. The woman looks to him as though he were speaking Chinese. Though to her he might as well have been, because this lady didn't speak a word of English.

A middle-aged man walks up behind the nurse, obviously a doctor, who thankfully speaks English. "and you are?" he asks.

"I'm his wife, Delinda McCoy." Mom speaks up, taking a few steps toward the man.

The doctor nods his head. "This way please."

As I walk the hallways I can smell the scent of death in the air. I can see the men, women, and children lying in the hospital beds with tubes coming from every which way, most of them missing at least one limb.

I couldn't imagine living like this. Seeing this makes me realize just how good I have it. The questions I have is, just because there are people out there worse off than I am, does that mean that my pain is supposed to mean less, supposed to hurt less?

Grandpa clears his throat and comes to a stop. The moment I have been waiting for is finally here as I stand just feet from my dad; the only thing separating us a large white door. After all this waiting I don't know if I'm ready. What if I don't like what I see in there; you can't 'unsee' things.

The doctor is talking but I only hear every other word. "Medically induced coma…shrapnel…severed artery." My stomach flips a few times. Then he says the words. "you may go in now." He opens the door slowly.

At first all I can see is a window and a dying plant, then there's the foot of a bed, then his legs, then…oh my God it's him. I move my feet and walk in the room, moving more to the side than to him.

My eyes travel to mom, who is just now walking through the door. Her eyes flood with tears as she brings her hands to her mouth. She turns to grandpa, who wraps her in his arms tightly. I look back to dad, seeing the right side of his face covered with bandages and the left with several cuts and scratches. His hands are dirty, his fingernails caked with blood and dirt. I move to his left side, the side without bandages, and watch him.

I take my slightly quivering hand and place it in his. His hand is warm and rough, but soft at the same time. His eyes seem to be flickering, like he's having a bad dream.

I look back to mom, who is now walking towards me. She places one of her hands on my shoulder and I move slightly to the left, allowing her to stand next to me. She runs her other hand over the good side of his face. "Hi baby." She says, trying her best to smile. "Josh is here, and daddy too." She says looking to us both. "Ruby is at home and sure misses you. She sleeps in your t-shirt every night." Her voice cracks slightly and another set of fresh tears stroll down her face.

Grandpa walks to the other side of dad, the bandaged side. I think for a moment how true that really was. Grandpa has seen that part of dad that we haven't, that part of him that we are scared to see, that part of him he doesn't want us to see.

Sometimes I think that I want to be like dad and join the marines, but on the other hand I don't want to put my kids through what I'm going through.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sam looks to her watch and raises her eyebrows. "I guess I should be going." She says, realizing that it is one in the morning.

Jillian smiles and nods her head. "It was really good to see you Sam." She says sweetly.

"You too." Sam replies, leaning in for a hug.

They both walk to the door, standing quietly for a moment. "Sam, you c…"

"I won't say anything." She says coolly. There's another silence, both looking to each other. "How long are you here for?"

Jillian shakes her head and closes her eyes. "I don't know."

Sam nods her head. "Tell Ed hello for me, tell him we miss him."

"He knows, but I'll tell him." Jillian says smiling, leaning in for another hug.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Mom sits in a chair by the window sleeping. I'm not sure how she is still tired after sleeping through the entire flight. Grandpa's down in the cafeteria, eating what they call food. As for me, I sit in the chair beside dad's bed. The doctor came in a while ago, saying that they were going to stop giving him the meds that are keeping him asleep. Since then I've been talking to him, hoping that he can hear me, hoping that he will wake up.

I lean forward whispering to him, taking his hand in mine. "Grandpa's here. He won't say it, but he is worried about you." I say smiling. "We all are." I sigh. "I don't even know if you can hear me." I close my eyes and lower my head. "Please wake up." I plead "please, at least let me know you can hear me." I can feel the tears start to roll down the sides of my cheeks, as much as I don't want them to. "Please!" I beg again, shaking and squeezing his hand tightly. I lighten my grip and look down again.

Suddenly my hand is being squeezed, not hard, but enough to know that there is movement; my eyes shoot up. His fingers are moving, my whole head is facing him now, he tries to move his head, but leans on the injured side of his face and winces. He then looks to me and smiles. "Josh…" he says quietly.

I smile and jump from my chair, trying to wipe the tears from my cheeks. Grandpa walks in, stopping in the doorway. I don't acknowledge him; all my attention is focused on dad.

"Where are we?" he asks, looking around the room. "Why are you here?"

"We are in India and we're here to see you duh." I laugh.

He sighs and closes his eyes. "Who's 'we'?"

I move so he can see mom "me, mom, and grandpa." I say, unable to turn my smile off.

"Grandpa?" he asks, reopening his eyes to look at me with a confused frown.

"Yeah." I reply, pointing to the doorway.

He looks to grandpa with disbelief, who is now walking towards us. He looks down at dad and grabs his hand. "How you doing pal?" he asks with a smile. He then leans down and hugs dad.

This didn't surprise me, but dad gripping the shoulder of grandpa's leather jacket, sobbing, did. "I know." Grandpa whispers, patting dad's shoulder. He pulls away and looks to me, as if telling me 'everything is going to be okay.'

I turn to wake mom up, and to give dad a moment to pull himself together. I shake her gently. "mom…"

She begins to wake up and open her eyes. "What?" she asks sleepily.

"He's awake." I cheer.

"What?!" she says, jumping up from her chair just as I did.

"Delinda…" dad says softly, almost with a tone of relief in his voice.

She sprints the eight feet to his bed and throws her arms around him, kissing him all over his face.

"God I missed you." He says, trying to smile through the pain.

Since I have been in school, I have realized that most parents don't stay together. From what I gather it's the hard times that push a couple into divorce. With my parents it's always been the opposite. All the hardships they have endured together has only brought them closer, something I'm thankful for.

I hear grandpa laugh, and I smile at the sight of it. The laughter stops as the doctor walks in the room. It's as though they are looking at a ghost, we all fall silent, afraid to address the elephant in the room.

After a few awkward seconds, dad steps up to the plate. "So what do you say doc?" he asks, raising his arms in the air. "When can I go home?"

"Well Lieutenant, you have injuries that need to be treated…"

"Yeah, but this isn't the only hospital on the planet Doc." He says, using that voice where it appears he's joking, but everyone knows he's dead serious.

The doctor hesitates, trying to hide his fear. "Lieutenant…"

"am I going home doc?" dad asks, the look of hope draining from his face.

"that is something you will have to speak with your commanding officers about." The doctor says softly.

My stomach sinks, my eyes close, and my hands start to sweat. 'Please God' I whisper under my breath. The room is silent, all of us thinking the same thing.

"And where are they?" I ask, lifting my head. They all turn to face me. They then look back to the doctor, waiting for an answer.

"Well…they…um…I have a phone number." He stutters. He then proceeds to write it down on a pad of paper and hands it to dad.

"Thank you." He says with cold sincerity. The doctor turns to leave the room, leaving us with a load of information and a phone number.

"They're going to send you back, aren't they?" I ask, looking to him seriously.

He sighs and nods his head, "probably."

One thing I have always loved about him is that he's always told me the truth. Even when the truth hurt or he knew I wouldn't like the answer he's always been honest with me.

Grandpa looks to me, observing my reaction. Apparently being satisfied he looks away and focuses on mom. She appears to be holding her own, just as I am, but I know what she is thinking. 'Oh no, oh god no, not again.'

Dad looks to grandpa, not saying anything, yet saying so much. He then reaches over and picks up the phone, dialing the number given to him by the doctor.

We sit and listen, straining to hear the simple ringing of the phone. I can hear a voice begin to speak, though really it doesn't sound like a voice, but more like Charlie Brown's teacher, a dull repetitive buzz.

"Yes, may I speak with Colonel Ferguson please?" Dad asks politely. "Yes, Lieutenant McCoy ma'am."

No matter how many times I hear it, hearing him called 'Lieutenant' always sounds strange to me, like they are talking to someone other than my father. In a way, I guess they aren't talking to 'my dad' they are talking to a marine, a man that won't hesitate to take your life if you threaten his.

We sit silently for a few moments, waiting for the Colonel to pick up the phone. "Yes, sir." Dad says suddenly "One hour sir" he says, a sure tone in his voice. I can only assume that he is referring to the time he woke up. "The doctor says I have to get my orders from you sir." The amount of times he says sir makes me want to throw up. It reminds me of when he was to deal with Sam's whales, always kissing their butt's when you know all the wrong things they do, not just legally but morally as well.

I know my father is better than the man he talking to, I don't have to know Colonel Ferguson to know that. Just by the way dad talks to him I can tell, no amount of 'yes sirs' and 'no sirs' can hide the sound of disgust in his voice, not from me at least, I'm sure he sounds very respectful to Colonel Ferguson, but he doesn't know dad well enough, or at all, to know any better.

"Yes, but s…yes sir…I understand sir…thank you sir." He says all at once, a hint of defeat in his voice as he hangs up the phone.

I can tell just by the look in his eyes that it wasn't good, I didn't have to hear the conversation. "when?" I ask, not making him say the words.

"A week." He answers, taking moms hand in his. I sigh heavily, wanting to punch Colonel Ferguson in the face. "I'll be okay." He says confidently, wiping the tears from mom's cheeks. She nods her head silently, as though she believes him. "I will" he says again.

"can we go home for the week?" I ask, looking for just a sliver of decent news. He nods his head yes. "when?"

"as soon as the doctor clears me." He says, trying to sound up beat.

"We'll go find him." Grandpa says looking to me. I really would rather stay with dad, but I don't put up a fight either, I know that grandpa always has a reason for what he does. So I just walk to the door and stand there for a moment waiting for grandpa. "We'll be back in a bit." He says patting dad's foot. He walks to me and shuts the door behind us. He places his hand on my shoulder as I start to walk down the hallway and turns me around with one swift tug. "It will be okay." He says firmly, looking so deep into my eyes I think he can read my mind.

"I can't go back to the way things were." I say shaking my head. I think for a moment, what if dad never comes home, we will be stuck in that state of nothingness forever, I can't handle that, not anymore.

"I know…things will be better this time." he says with assurance.

"Can you stay?" I ask, knowing the answer before he says it.

Grandpa sighs, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "Josh…I…"

"I know, it's okay." I say cutting him off, not making him say the actual words. That feeling of hopelessness I had so much gotten used to settles back in the pit of my stomach. The blank, emotionless, cold, feeling glazes over my heart once more, shutting everyone out.

I turn and walk down the hallway, feeling grandpa close behind me. As I reach the front desk I look to the nurse sitting there working on a crossword puzzle. "Excuse me." I say politely. The nurse pays me no attention and carries on with her puzzle. "Excuse me." I say louder. She again ignores me. I look away with disbelief and grit my teeth, feeling grandpa grab my shoulder, trying to calm me down. I wave my arms in the air, still trying for the attention of this '_nurse'._ Getting thoroughly irritated I say, "you know what…" and walk around the desk, picking up the phone beside her, pressing the P.A. button. This quickly catches the attention of the nurse as she stands up and tries to take the phone from me, but now it is my turn to ignore her, so instead I turn around and continue on with my quest. "Dr. Robinson to the nurses' station please."

"Sir, you no touch." The nurse yells in broken English.

"Dr. Robinson to the nurses' station please." I repeat before hanging up the phone. "Thank you." I say to her with a sarcastic smile. Walking back around the desk I see grandpa chuckling, which causes me to let out a small laugh myself. "Well…" I say pointing to the nurse, justifying my actions.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Delinda sits on Danny's bedside, holding his hand tightly in hers. "Does it hurt?" she asks, running her hand over the bandages on his face.

He shakes his head, "no, I'm sure they have me pumped up on painkillers though." He laughs. His smile fades as the silence grows. "How have you been?" he asks seriously.

Delinda looks down for a split second, "We're fine." She says with a smile. To most people her lie would have been acceptable, but not to Danny; her husband of sixteen years has always been able to tell when she's lying, it used to drive her crazy but now she just finds it comforting, to have someone who knows you that well.

"That's not what I asked." He says calmly. "I asked how _you _were." He says, almost afraid to hear the truth.

She lowers her head now, ashamed of her actions. "I….I've been so awful." She mumbles with her face in her hands. "I was only thinking about me instead of being a mother, now Josh hates me…"

"Whoa whoa whoa, Josh doesn't hate you, and what are you talking about?" he asks very confused.

"I just sat in the house all day, I was scared that you weren't coming home, Josh had to take care of everything including me, and I…." she blurts, the tears flowing down her face. "I was so selfish and I just couldn't…"

"Hey hey," he says, lifting her chin. "It doesn't matter what lies in the past, but what lies in the future."

Delinda stops for a second taking in what he's said; she then starts to actually think about what he said. "Who are you, Gandhi?" she says laughing.

Danny smiles and looks away, "Okay, well it sounded good." He says with a chuckle.

"No it didn't, you sounded like a fortune cookie." She says barely getting the words out between bursts of laughter.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….


	8. Chapter 8 Here and Gone Again

**Chapter 8**

Grandpa and I walk down the hallway towards dad's room with the Doctor close behind us. We reach the door and push it open to find both mom and dad laughing hysterically. The sight brings a smile to my face, reminding me of how they used to be, how they could be again.

They look to us, still laughing. "Any luck?" dad asks.

Grandpa moves, allowing the doctor to enter. "It wasn't easy." He says, shooting me a look.

I grin and look to the doctor, "anyway…" I say changing the subject. "We would like to know when he can be released." I say more seriously.

Dr. Robinson seems to be thrown off by my directness, especially for being fifteen. "Well…we still have to…"

"How long?" dad asks cutting off him off.

"A few hours at the least." He says with a sigh. "we have to check your wounds and be sure that it's safe for you to fly and…"

"So lets do that then." Grandpa says with an irritated tone. The doctor looks to us all and shakes his head. I laugh thinking how obvious it must be that we are all related.

"Okay, I'll be back shortly." He says with a sigh. I start audibly laughing once he leaves, followed by the loud laughter of mom, dad, and grandpa as well.

The laughter dies out, leaving us in a comfortable silence. I look to them and then out the window, watching the clouds rush across the sky; the sun peeks through every once in awhile, like a gleam of hope.

A few moments later the doctor walks back in with a nurse following. He approaches dad's bed, the side with bandages on his face. "Let's take a look." he says breathing heavily, reaching up to lift the bandages. I hold my breath and watch intensely, the only sound to be heard is the rustling of bandages. He pulls them away slowly while blocking my view.

As he steps back I can see his face, I'm not sure what I was picturing, maybe something like two-face from batman, but it isn't like that. He has eleven stitches on the right side of his neck. There are four large scrapes on his cheek surrounded by tons of little scabs. His right eye is black like a raccoon. The actual eye itself is blood red, like the cartoon characters get when they're mad.

"How's it look doc?" Dad asks, looking to us all with a wondering expression, watching for a reaction. He looks to me, asking me with his eyes.

"It's not as bad as I thought." I say honestly. "What about his leg?" I ask, looking to the doctor.

The doctor moves over to dad's leg and begins to poke and prod at the wound. Dad winces once and pulls his leg away.

"It will be sore for awhile but that's all."

"Can I walk on it?" dad asks.

"Well it will be very painful for you…"

"Can I hurt it anymore if I walk on it?" dad asks again, getting irritated.

"Well no, but…"

"I think that's all doc." Grandpa pipes in, placing his hand on Dr. Robinsons shoulder, guiding him towards the door. "Why don't you and I get those release papers started?" he says as they both leave the room.

As soon as the doctor is out of sight dad flings the blankets off his legs and takes in a deep breath.

"Are you sure…" mom starts, but soon stops as dad throws her a look.

He then starts to slowly swing his feet over the edge of the bed, scooting himself closer. As his feet touch the floor I move to his side. He places his arm around my shoulder and attempts to stand up.

Starting to put some pressure on his leg causes his knees to buckle, sending him right back to the bed. He lets out a heavy sigh of both frustration and determination. Bracing himself again, he attempts to sand up; this time succeeding.

As first he winces, but then lets out a huge smile and looks to mom. "Look at this!" he cheers. He releases my shoulder and hobbles over to mom. "Everything's going to be okay." He whispers with confidence, taking her into his arms.

Grandpa walks back in the room, stopping at the sight of mom and dad. He then looks to me for an answer, but I shake my head, indicating that everything's ok.

Dad lets go of mom and turns around. "Hey, look at this huh." He says pointing to his leg proudly. "Couple of days and I'll be good as new."

"Yeah, well how would you like to spend those days at home?"

"Already? I thought they said a few hours?" I ask.

"Yes, well….I have a way with people." He says with a shrug of his shoulders.

I grin and shoot dad a look.

It only takes about fifteen minutes to get dad changed into his greens and sign the release papers. I can't believe we are finally going home together, even if it's not forever, at least I will have a chance to cherish what we once had. Before dad left I took everything I had for granted, I mean dad's a little over forty, I never thought they would call him back; quite frankly I don't think he did either. So when they did it caught us all by surprise, we didn't have any time to be grateful for what we had, just sad and angry for what we were losing.

Against his will we put dad in a wheel chair and roll him out to the lobby. I look outside and see the same range rover waiting for us.

I pick up dads green bag and walk out to the car. I look back to see grandpa pushing dad in the wheel chair and mom walking next to them, her hand on dads shoulder.

We all load up in the car and start to drive off. "Ed…" Dad says. "I have…"

"I know." Grandpa replies calmly, taking a turn towards the back of the hospital.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"Arms lock up." Dad replies.

We come to a stop and grandpa hops out of the car. He disappears for a while in some building but returns moments later with a soldier at his side.

They walk up to dads window briskly. "Name?" the soldier asks, lifting up his clipboard.

"Lieutenant Danny McCoy" Dad answers. "555-27-1918" he says as the soldier opens his mouth to ask dad for his serial number. "My father in law will be escorting them to the vehicle." He says motioning towards grandpa.

"Name?" he asks again.

"Ed Deline, 535-60-2312" he answers quickly. I love how grandpa can shut someone down without even trying; some of the time he does it without even meaning to, it's just his personality. The man sighs and has dad and grandpa sign the paper, then walks back to the building with grandpa.

Ten minutes later grandpa walks back with a rifle, some kind of utility belt thing, a pistol and its holster, and of course a knife. He opens dads door and hands them to dad. "Ready?" he asks.

Dad nods his head, gripping his rifle tightly. The way he clenches onto his rifle is like a man clenching onto his life, the way I had to clench onto hope. I think though, that rifle must mean life to him, who knows how many times he's taken a life to save his own.  
……………………………………………

It doesn't take long to reach the airfield. Pulling in I see the jet, feeling a sense of comfort settling in my stomach. That familiarity feels good, knowing that there are still some things that are same, that never change. Every now and then it gets a new paint job, but underneath it's still the same jet I grew up with. I guess in a way that's how dad is, he seems to look different, the tan, the cuts and bruises all make him look different, but he's still the man that taught me to be the person I am today.

Grandpa gets out first and opens dads door, he tries to help him but dad shakes him off. Carrying his rifle, dad walks to the stairs of the plane and looks up to them with determination. I quickly jump out of the car and walk to his side. He smiles to me as he wraps his arm around my shoulder, taking each step one at a time.

Once we reach the top I set dad in a chair and look out mom and grandpa. They both seem to have things handled so I take a seat across from dad. "Does it hurt?" I ask, looking to his leg.

He looks to his leg then back to me. "yeah." He says nodding his head. "My face not so much though."

"Yeah well it's killing me." I joke. We both laugh for a minute, then fall into a comfortable silence. "I don't want you to go back." I whisper.

He closes his eyes for a moment then reopens them looking deep into my eyes. "I know" he says simply. "I'm sorry."

Grandpa and mom walk in smiling. "ready to go home?" mom asks, leaning down to kiss both dad and me. We nod our heads and sit quietly.

The pilot walks out and smiles at dad. "glad to see you're okay Mr. McCoy." He says, shaking dads hand.

"Thank you Patrick." He responds graciously.

"Wheels should be up in five." Patrick says with a smile, walking back to the cockpit.

Patrick was right because five minutes later we are blaring down the runway.

Mom and dad sit next to each other on the couch, smiling and talking quietly. It's nice to see mom again, the true her. Grandpa sits across from me, dialing a number into his satellite phone.

"Hi" he says quietly. "We are on the way home." He pauses, listening to nana. "Yes, Danny too." He replies with a slight smile. His smile fades as he begins to answer her next question. "No, he deploys in a week." I can tell nana is starting to question him be the way he closes his eyes and lets out a sigh. Grandpa continues to nod his head and only reply with a "mhmm"; thus indicating that he can't talk. "We'll be home in few hours, I love you."

_Two hours later_

I sit, laid back in my seat, trying to fall asleep. I sit up as we hit some turbulence. Mom lifts her head off of dads shoulder and yawns. She looks around with a glazed look in her eyes, then repositions her head on dads shoulder, falling back to sleep.

I look to dad and smile as I see him sleeping, glad that he is okay.

Suddenly we hit another big patch of turbulence. The plane shakes uncontrollably, when it doesn't stop after about ten seconds I look to dad who is now awake and alert. "This isn't turbulence is it?" I ask, not really wanting to know the answer. Suddenly there's another huge bump and as I look out the window I see our left engine on fire. "DAD!" I scream, pointing out the window towards our engine.

Dad looks, his eyes widening. He then jumps up and sprints to the cockpit, throwing the door open. "Where can we land?" he shouts over the buzzers going off, alerting us that the engine has failed as if we don't already know.

"I don't know, I don't know!" Patrick yells. Dad looks out the window at the ground below us.

"Where the hell are we?" he asks with rage.

"Just on the border of Afghanistan and Iran." Patrick answers with panic.

"What side?" dad asks seriously.

"The side you don't want to be on."

"Why the fuck are we flying over Afghanistan?!" Dad yells, a sound of rage in his voice the likes of which I have never heard.

"I don't know, they told me to take this flight path or…"

"Or what!" Dad screams, grabbing Patrick by the collar; grandpa steps in now, pulling dad away.

"Or they'd kill me." He cries.

"Who's they." Grandpa shouts shaking him. Patrick doesn't answer. "Who's they?" he shouts again.

"I don't know! I don't know!" he whines.

"Ugh sir!" the co pilot chimes in. We all look to him now, "We are losing altitude fast!"

"Drop the landing gear and slow to ---- knots." Patrick orders.

"Mr. McCoy….You and your family should go to the back of the plane and strap yourselves in." Chris, our copilot, says kindly yet forcefully.

Grandpa hesitates; wanting to kick the crap out of Patrick, but dad pulls him by the shoulder and walks us all to the back of the plane. Grandpa and I sit next to each other while mom and dad sit next to each other across the aisle.

I can hear Patrick and Chris yelling to each other and into their headsets. "Mayday, mayday, mayday!! Control do you read me? This is flight zero, two, niner we have been hit. Mayd……"

Suddenly I can no longer hear their voices, only the loud thumps and bangs as things start to fall off the shelves as we plummet to the earth's surface. Grandpa takes me in his arms and covers my head, sacrificing himself for my safety. I can feel something hit his head; I can feel a warm liquid trickle from his forehead to mine.

"HOLD ON!" Chris screams.

I glance out the window between grandpas two arms covering my head; I can see the ground getting closer and closer with every second. I grip grandpa's arm a little tighter, scared for our lives.

With a huge jolt we hit the ground with the tale of the plane still up in the air. We are thrown forward, nothing but a thin seatbelt keeping us in our chairs. I hit my head hard on the table in front of me, but I feel grandpa pull me back quickly. The tail end of the plane falls down but the plane keeps moving, fish tailing, suddenly we are all jerked to our right as the plane tips over and leans on the right wing.

We are jolted yet again, this time stopping afterward. I can only assume that we finally hit something. Grandpa lets go of me, I look around in a daze to see smoke floating from the cockpit towards us. Grandpa undoes his seatbelt and leans over to undo mine. "Josh let's go!" he says commandingly. He grabs my arm and lifts me up out of my seat.

I know that I should be moving, that I should be trying to help, but the only thing I can focus on is the stream of blood trickling down his forehead and cheek. As he pushes me towards the emergency exit I see dad trying drastically to undo mom's seatbelt, who is unconscious and of no assistance. I try to stop to help them but grandpa continues to push me forward. I try again; not wanting to leave them, as I start to succeed and get a little closer dad looks up and puts his hand to my chest.

"Josh go!" he yells, pointing to the door, "we'll be right behind you." I look to him pleadingly, but the look in his eyes tells me not to argue. Grandpa forces to turn around, but I can feel him giving one last look dad and mom.

As we reach the emergency exit I look in the cockpit, only to see it engulfed in flames. The smell of burning flesh is enough to make me vomit, but I know this is not the time or place to let my stomach get the better of me. I reach forward now, trying desperately to get out, and push the lever down to release the door.

I look back to see grandpa give me a reassuring nod. "I'm right behind you." He says nudging me. I jump down from the plane, hitting the ground with an audible thud. I stand back up and turn around to see grandpa jumping, the flames larger and growing faster behind him. "Run!" he screams; his legs moving at a sprint before he even hits the ground. "GO, GO, GO!" he shrieks, pushing me along with him.

After a few hundred feet I look back over my shoulder to see mom and dad….but they aren't there. I stop in my tracks and turn around, desperately looking for them. I start to run back, but I don't get more than five feet before the blast from the exploding plane sends me right back.

I sit back up and look to the burning plane with awe. "No…" I mumble, getting to my feet. "No!" I cry loudly. I start to stumble towards the bright glow before me. I can feel grandpa pull me by the shoulders, trying to pull me back. I shrug him off, trying to push on, but he tightens his grip once more.

I continue to stare at the burning rubble before me, the jet that had given me such a feeling of comfort was gone. "MOM!" I scream, tears streaming down my face, drool seeping from my mouth. "DAD! NOOO!" I cry, falling to my knees. I bury my head in my hands, rocking back and forth. "NOOO!"

I feel grandpa place his hand on my shoulder but I jerk it away. He bends down to his knees and takes me in his arms, trying his best to comfort me. I bury my head in his chest, grabbing his shirt and squeezing it with all my might. "WHY?" I sob, wondering why God would bring him back to me just to take him away again.

Grandpa pushes me away and holds me at an arms length. I feel as though I have no control over my neck, my head just bobbles back and forth like a rag doll. "Josh…" grandpa says shaking my shoulders. My eyes move to look at his; how is he so calm, did he not see what just happened? "Josh, I know, but they had to have seen the crash and the smoke is leading them right to us. We have to move."

"THEY WERE IN THERE!" I scream with rage, "BOTH OF MY PARENTS WERE IN THERE AND NOW THEY ARE DEAD! THEY ARE BURNING IN THAT PLANE!"

"I KNOW!" he yells, tightening his grip on my arms. "MY DAUGHTER WAS IN THERE AND YOUR FATHER WAS LIKE I SON TO ME…..NOW THEY'RE BOTH GONE!" he yells, shaking me by my arms. The look on my face must make him feel guilty because suddenly he's calm again. "Now, we wont make it either unless we start moving."

I nod my head and wipe my tears, trying to think of how I am going to explain to Ruby that I went with one parent to bring the other home, and now I'm coming back without both of them. I start to move my feet, but I can't feel them walking. We walk the straight, flat path towards the rocks. I glance over my shoulder every twenty seconds, hoping that by some miracle they will appear; but with every glance my hopes are crushed. The tears don't stop rushing down my face, I try with all my might to make them stop but I cant.

At this moment I think back to when we were on the plane on they way to see dad, when I asked grandpa about God. How can there be a God, a being of such great humble power, that would do this to a family-to anyone? I can feel the anger start to rise in my chest. As I take a step or two more I realize that it's not just anger and lean against a rock, throwing up all my meals from what seems like the past three days. Grandpa pats me on the back and wipes the sides of my mouth as I stand back up.

"Better?" he asks.

I look back to the plane then back to grandpa, "No…" I say shaking my head, brushing past him.


	9. Chapter 9 Old Friends and Enemies

**Chapter 9**

It seems like we have been walking for hours, but as I glance at my watch I realize it's only been four minutes.

As we get closer to the rocks we slow our pace, either from exhaustion or fear; probably both. I know that when I turn this corner I will never see that plane again; the hope that my parents will have somehow miraculously survived will be gone.

Suddenly I think I hear something, like a distant yell. I stop and quickly turn around, looking for them desperately. Grandpa stops and turns to look at me, his eyes filled with sorrow. "Did you hear that?" I ask, hoping that he will say yes.

"There's nothing there Josh, your mind is just playing games."

I continue to look, my eyes scanning the horizon, but they aren't there. So I turn back around and continue our walk to nowhere. We reach the corner; the point that once I turn I know all hope is lost. So I stop one last time, staring at the burning rubble that doesn't seem so big anymore. Grandpa stops too, staring at the flames with me, his hand on my shoulder. After a few moments I look up to him, seeing two lone tears trickle down his cheek. I nod my head and turn the corner.

I take two or three steps when I hear it again. This time grandpa stops first and looks to me, his eyes filled with wonder and hope. We both turn around and run, as we turn the corner we look to the plane. At first we don't see anything, but then like a scene right out of the movies my father appears, with my mother's arm around his neck, walking through the smoke beside the plane. I look to grandpa to make sure he's seeing this too. By the look of pure shock on his face I take it that he is. Suddenly the pain in my head and weakness in my knees disappear, allowing me to bolt towards them. It must be a hundred yards to where they are but I don't have any problem running it. As I get closer I can see my parents smiling through their pain. They let go of each other and wrap their arms around me as I plow into them.

The tears running down their faces wash away some of the dirt and smoke stains, leaving clean trails behind. Grandpa walks up to us now and throws his arms around mom, hugging her tightly. I can see his face over her shoulder, his eyes clenched shut, yet there are still tears escaping his eyes. "oh god…" he says opening his eyes and looking to the sky.

There's that word again…God. I don't know if he had something to do with this, but if he did I thank him from the bottom of my heart.

Grandpa opens his eyes and looks to dad over her shoulder. He nods his head towards dad and gives a weak smile. Grandpa then let's go of mom and walks over to dad, giving him genuine hug.

"You didn't think you could get rid of us that easily did you?" dad says with a smile as Grandpa pulls away.

"I didn't think that was easy." I say seriously. I watch as the three of them all look to each other, trying to figure out what to say. "We should get moving." I say, bailing them out of some fake explanation.

Dad nods his head and twists his rifle around, which he had been carrying on his back, the strap draped across his chest, and holds it with both hands. He walks up to me and moves his left hand from the rifle to my shoulder.

The four of us begin to walk the same path I had walked minutes earlier; minutes earlier when I had lost all hope and my heart had been shattered.

For the first twenty minutes or so we walk in silence, except for the occasional clearing of the throat or sniffle. I look to dad who seems to be having a hard time walking; it seems that by this time the adrenalin has worn off. I think grandpa must notice it too because suddenly he speaks up.

"Time for a break." He says, as though we are on some sort of schedule.

At first I think dad is going to protest, but one look to grandpa tells him to not even try. We sit in the shadows of the large rocks trying to escape the heat. We all breathe heavily and tiredly, looking to our own feet.

"How'd you do it?" I ask, never looking up.

"The other emergency door." Dad answers, not having to ask what I was talking about.

"Then why did it take you so long to walk out after the blast?" I ask, wondering why I had to go through all that pain and feelings of hopelessness.

"We were running." Mom answers in a daze, startling me. "It took so long to get my seatbelt off….." she says with a frown, looking to the floor intently. "We started to run, I could feel the heat on my back and suddenly I was flying……..the next thing I remember is seeing you above me." She says, tearing away from her gaze at the ground to look at dad.

I'm not sure what to say, or if I should say anything at all. I look to grandpa to see if he's going to say something…anything; but he doesn't. There's a silence that seems like it will never end, but thankfully grandpa clears his throat.

"What are we going to do?" mom asks, looking to the three of us.

Grandpa looks to dad who just sighs and shakes his head. "We need to move." Dad says, looking to the ground. "they have to be on the way."

"Who's they?" mom asks.

"Whoever the hell it was that shot us down." He snaps. Mom looks away quietly. "I'm sorry." He apologizes. Mom shakes her head and puts her hand up, waving off his apology. "He said we were on the border of Afghanistan and Iran, so we need to head west." Dad says looking in that direction, the sun beginning to set.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jillian rolls over in her daughter's bed, opening one eye to peek at the clock on the nightstand. She stops and wonders how many times Delinda lied in this bed when she should have been taking care of Josh and Ruby.

She looks at the clock again and sees that it reads 9:30 am. With a heavy sigh she swings her feet over the side of the bed and flinches slightly as her bare feet touch the cold hard wood floors.

As she opens the door into the hallway she peeks into Ruby's room, seeing her fast asleep in her bed with her rear straight up in the air. She laughs to herself silently and remembers how Delinda used to sleep like that when she was a toddler. She takes one last glance at her granddaughter before shutting the bedroom door.

She walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge, an empty fridge. The only two items that aren't past their due date are three Caprisuns and two eggs left in a half dozen container. She sighs again and moves to the pantry, opening it with frustration; but just like the fridge it's empty with a few exceptions such as a box of hamburger helper.

Walking over to the phone she picks it up and realizes she doesn't know the number. She thinks for a second and realizes that is should be in the caller id. After pressing a few buttons the phone begins to ring.

"This is Sam." Marquez answers.

"Hey it's me" Jillian says calmly, not wanting to say her name over the phone. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Name it." Sam says with a shrug of her shoulders.

"There is nothing in this house except for Caprisuns and hamburger helper."

Sam laughs as she looks to her watch, "I have a whale coming in, but I'll ask Mike to run to the store for you."

"Thanks Sam, do you think you can come over for dinner?" Jillian asks.

"Uhh…" Sam starts.

Jillian looks to the door as she hears a few knocks. "You know what, there's someone at the door, why don't you get back to me?" she says hanging up the phone.

Before opening the door she grabs a knife and hides it behind her back. She looks through the peephole and sees two men in suits standing on the porch.

Jillian opens the door slowly, "may I help you?" she asks politely.

"Mrs. Deline?" The tall, well built, man asks as he flashes her his badge.

"Yes….."

"I'm agent Cassidy this is agent Simon, we have a warrant for the arrest of Ed Deline." He says handing her a piece of paper.

Jillian looks over the paper and shrugs her shoulders. "Well that's just dandy gentlemen but he's not here."

Agent Cassidy sighs and rolls his eyes looking to his partner. "Mrs. Deline….the warrant also states that we have permission to search the premises, if we find Mr. Deline you will be charged with aiding and abetting."

"Fine go ahead search away, but I don't know where the hell he is." She says throwing the door open. "would you mind keeping your voices down my granddaughter is still sleeping."

"Nana?" Ruby asks, walking towards her grandmother in her pj's with her teddy bear in her arms.

Jillian turns around to see Ruby; she then shoots the men a dirty look as they push their way into the house.

"Where are Delinda and Josh McCoy?" Agent Simon asks as he exits Josh's room, looking down at his note pad.

Jillian sighs and looks to Ruby, "They're in India….my son in law was wounded while serving his country. Now the country he risked his life protecting is barging into his house scaring his youngest child." She barks through gritted teeth as she picks Ruby up in her arms.

"Excuse me gentlemen what's going on?" Mike asks as he walks into the house, his arms filled with grocery bags, and Nessa walking up behind him holding Charlie in her arms.

"Sir I'm afraid this is none of your concern." Agent Simon says, putting his hand up in Mikes face. Mike drops the groceries with rage.

"Actually it is, my god children live here you prick."

Agent Simon sighs "We have a warrant for Ed Deline's arrest." He says waving the piece of paper in the air.

Mike takes the paper and begins to read over it. "Yes you do, but nowhere on here does it say that you have permission to search the premises, so you might want to get the hell out of here before I remember my lawyer's phone number." He says looking deep into the man's eyes.

The two men look to each other before quickly heading towards the door. "We will be in touch Mrs. Deline." Agent Cassidy adds as he brushes by.

"Hopefully with a proper warrant." Jillian adds with a smirk.

Mike slams the door behind the two men and looks to Jillian with a scowl. Jillian looks to him for a moment before her eyes move to Nessa and her son.

"Oh my god." She whispers, putting Ruby down. "Oh my god." She says again smiling. "Look at you and look at him." she says moving closer and smiling at her grandson, taking him into her arms for the first time. "He's even more beautiful in person."

"In person?" Nessa asks with confusion.

"Yes well I've seen pictures." Jillian answers with a shrug of her shoulders.

"How have you gotten pictures?" Mike looks to Jillian then to Nessa. "You knew about this?" She says raising her voice to her husband. Mike starts to shake his head, trying to explain.

"Don't be mad at him, he just found out yesterday and I asked him to let me tell you."

"Tell me what?" Nessa asks angrily.

"They have been coming back to see the kids and Danny and Delinda." Mike says with a bit of disgust in his voice.

"What?" she asks, looking from Mike to her surrogate mother. "Is that true?"

Jillian nods her head.

"So what? All those times when you told me you love me, that I was like a daughter to you…those were all just lies?"

"No of course not…"

"What then? Why would you come to see D and the kids but not me…not my child!" She says with furry, taking Charlie out of Jillian's arms.

"No, it's not like that…."

"The hell it isn't."

"Nessa! We couldn't; it's hard enough coming here, but with them watching you already because of your father…we just couldn't risk it."

Nessa stops for a second, taking in the information, looking at it from a new point of view.

"You know you are as much of a daughter to me as Delinda is." Jillian says taking a step closer, rubbing the sides of Nessa's arms. "You know that right?"

Nessa nods her head, excepting Jillian's reason.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

We continue to walk, unable to see more than ten feet in front of us. The dim light from the moon above us illuminates our faces ever so slightly; but I don't need light to see the ware and exhaustion on their faces. The expressions they wear are not so different from how I felt or feel. The ache of not knowing how much longer you can go on throbs.

As time goes on dad's limp grows worse; any other person would stop, would rest, would complain, but he's not any other person. He stumbles slightly, but grandpa and mom are there to steady him. He sighs with frustration as he reluctantly gives in and places his arm around grandpa's shoulder, allowing him to help.

I wonder what Ruby is doing, if nana is wondering why we haven't called yet, or if they have any idea that we are in trouble. Before, I knew if anything ever happened to me dad or grandpa would always be there to save me, but what about now? Who is going to save them? Who is going to save us?

I am quickly brought out of my thoughts as grandpa thrusts his arm in front of me as he stops dead in his tracks. He bends his knees slightly, starting to crouch. "What is it?" I ask, looking to see what it is that set his radar off.

"North West." Dad says staring, but that doesn't mean anything to me. I follow their stares off into the distance. Now I see it, several small lights moving at a rapid pace. From a distance they look like fireflies, but I quickly realize that it's not fireflies but several men with flashlights. Grandpa's head is swerving back and forth and up and down, like a bobble head, looking for somewhere to hide, or at least take cover.

I open my mouth to ask a question but mom throws her hand over my mouth silencing me. Suddenly she pushes me to my left, following dad and grandpa. We lie down among some bushes and grass; it's not a lot of cover, but enough to buy us some time for dad and grandpa to figure something out.

They get closer, I can hear them speaking in some language, I can see their dark eyes and their long beards. One of them begins to make his way towards us; he walks by, missing us by mere inches. Grandpa moves faster than I've ever seen him move before and jumps up, wrapping his arms around the man's neck and jerking quickly. The man falls to the floor with a thud. Grandpa quickly raids him of all his gear, rifle, pistol, flash light, and pocket knife.

Taking the rifle for himself, he hands the pistol over to mom and gives me the measly pocket knife. The other six men begin to look around, I think looking for whomever grandpa just killed. Their voices grow louder, fill with more panic, and they begin to scramble.

A tall man starts to run and sees dad, he opens his mouth to alert his friends, but the three bullets dad puts in his chest does that for him. The other five turn and begin to fire, but mom, dad, and grandpa fire back. Four of them go down almost immediately; I'm surprised by mom's accuracy and comfort with a gun. I look to dad, seeing him firing at the man hiding behind a small rock. Suddenly I hear a loud thud, as I turn back around I see mom lying on the floor and one of the men wrestling her for the gun. I run over and kick him in his face; he rolls over on his back, the gun drops in front of me. I can feel dad turn to face us, but I am standing between him and the man trying to take our lives.

For a moment it seems as though time has slowed to a near stop. I look around but no matter where I turn my eyes land on the pistol at my feet. I bend down, slowly picking up the weapon. As soon as my fingertips touch the cold metal time resumes to its regular fast pace. The man wipes his nose as he lunges towards mom and me. I throw my arm out pushing her behind me; I then pull the trigger with a quick double tap. The man drops to the ground like a ton of bricks.

I stare at him for a moment, but the silence breaks my gaze. I look to them all behind me, watching them watch me. I have thought before how hard it must be to shoot someone, knowing that you have taken away the life of a human being, a son from a mother, a father from a child. But now, as I stand above this body, I feel very calm, at ease, like what I have just done is completely natural.


	10. Chapter 10 Murder and Injury

**Chapter 10**

Jillian sits on the couch beside Nessa, looking to her with a pleading expression. The scowl on Nessa's face seems to fade slightly, putting Jillian at ease. "He's so handsome." She says, leaning forward to brush her hand across her grandson's cheek. "You can see a lot of Mike in him."

Mike stands beside the two of them, nodding his head with a smile. Nessa puts Charlie down on the floor to play with Ruby, still never saying a word.

"Ness, I'm sorry. We just couldn't…."

"I know." Nessa says, closing her eyes. "I know."  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They are all still staring at me silently; I can hear the slow chirping of the crickets. Dad walks over slowly and takes the gun out of my hand, pulling me close to his chest. He hugs me tightly for a long while before pulling away. He then bends down and takes a knee, looking me in the eyes. "You okay?" he asks, looking so deep into my eyes I think he knows what I'm thinking before I do.

I nod my head yes, "I'm fine." I say confidently. He continues to stare, trying to read my face. "really, I'm okay." I say reassuringly.

Accepting my answer for what it is he stands up and looks around. "Okay, we need to get what we can from them quickly, weapons, flashlights, radios, you name it take it." He orders. We all spread out and raid the bodies around us. Three or four minutes later we regroup taking inventory of what we have.

Six pistols  
Three AK47's  
Three flashlights  
Two radios  
A half empty canteen of water

"Okay, we take four of the pistols and the clips from the other two" he hands a flashlight to mom and grandpa and one for himself, he does the same with the AK47's, gives mom the canteen, a radio to grandpa and himself, and then distributes the pistols, but he stops as he gets to me.

"I know how to handle a pistol dad." I say with confidence. Dad nods his head.

"How do you know how to use a pistol?" Mom asks, her voice getting higher as she looks to dad with a raised eyebrow.

"What? I thought he needed to know, and good thing." Dad says defending himself.

Mom sighs reluctantly and nods her head. Dad hands me the pistol slowly. As I take it from his hands he points and says, "flick that and it's the….."

"It's the safety, I know dad." I say curtly. Both mom and dad look to each other, unsure of their decision.

"He'll be fine…" grandpa says walking over to me, patting me on the shoulder. "If he has an ounce of our blood running through him he'll be fine."  
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"So where's pop's if he's not here?" Nessa asks, looking around.

"He's with Danny, Delinda, and Josh on the way home." Jillian replies smiling.

"Danny's coming home?" Nessa asks, her face lighting up.

"Only for a week, then they're sending him back." She says, her voice lowering with sadness.

"Back? How can they send him back after this? He's done four tours now, and been tort…." Nessa stops, remembering that Ruby is in the room. "Ruby, can you take Charlie into Josh's room and find him something to play with?" Ruby nods her head and smiles, taking Charlie by the hand down the hall. She waits until their footsteps can no longer be heard before she starts again. "The last time he was over there we thought he was dead, they tortured him! Then they make him go back all these years later, he gets hurt and they send him back again? They can't do this Jillian, it's not right. We need to do something!" Nessa spits with rage.

Jillian nods her head, "I agree, but you know Danny would never go against his country, he's just like Ed."

"Yes, but do you think he would put his country before his kids? If he goes back over there his children may lose their father."  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

We walk in the darkness, listening to the soft chirps of the crickets and the cool breeze rush past us.

I see dads face wince each time he takes another step forward on his leg. I think to myself how much pain he must be in. I remember the time he and uncle mike were playing basketball and he broke his finger. I could hear it snap all the way from bleachers. It was all distorted and facing a way it shouldn't. He showed no sign of pain though; he just looked at it and said, 'How am I supposed to type up those reports like this?'

He drove home, put a splint on it, and didn't complain about the pain once. I wish we could do that now, just drive home and put a Band-Aid on his leg, make everything better.

Dad stops walking and puts his arm up with a fist. I stop; trying to see whatever it is that has him hesitating. I squint, trying to see through the pitch black that is darkness. I think I see something, but my eyes have a difficult time focusing.

After a few seconds I realize that we are looking at a fence. It's tall with wooden stakes and chain link fence, topped with barbed wire. I haven't decided yet whether the security measures are to keep people in or out.

"What is that place?" I ask.

"The place where we need to be." He answers, still surveying our surroundings. "No sudden movements." He orders.

He looks around a bit more, discussing his game plane with grandpa.

"No, I have to go." Dad argues. "Technically you don't have any military clearance."

Grandpa sighs and looks down to his right, "Fine…"

"Okay you three stay here while I go and get them to let us in."

It doesn't seem like a dangerous mission, at lease compared to what we've been through and what he has done, but I think he must know something that I don't. He looks to me, staring at me. "I'll be back in a bit." He says, reminding me a little of the terminator movies. He hugs me tightly and turns to mom, he kisses her; the look on her face is filled with worry.

As he begins to head towards the fence he looks to grandpa and gives a simple nod.

It's hard to see him as he gets farther away, but I can't figure out why he's walking so slowly.

"What's he doing?" I ask, as I watch him kneel to the ground. Neither of them answers me. "What's he…"

"Disarming a landmine." Grandpa answers.

My stomach sinks; I can feel my knees go weak. I bring my hands to my stomach, "I don't feel so good." I mumble, turning to lean on a rock as I throw up the little amount of food that was in my stomach.

I wipe the corners of my mouth as I come back up. Mom pats my back and grandpa gives me an understanding nod.

I can shoot a man in cold blood and have no problem, but the slight chance of him being in danger makes me sick to my stomach. Is that normal?

"How many do you think there are?" I ask.

He shrugs his shoulders as he watches dad intently. Dad finally stands and takes three small, slow, steps. He stops again and extends his right leg about four feet out in front of him. He then pulls his left leg over too, and hesitates before moving again. I can see his shoulders move up and down as he lets out a large sigh.

We continue to watch with our eyes fixed on him. I turn around quickly as I hear someone talking.

"What?" grandpa asks.

"Voices." I reply softly, gripping the pistol tightly in my hands.

"Stay here." He commands, moving in the direction of the chatter.

Mom stands behind a rock, still watching dad as he moves across the mine field. I kneel just behind her; facing the direction in which grandpa just went. I hold the pistol firmly, but not too firmly, my right shoulder up, with my elbows slightly bent.

I hear running, I want to shoot but I don't know if it's grandpa or not. I hear a shot and then see someone fly around the corner. It takes me a second to determine who it is, but as soon as I see it's not a familiar face I fire.

Mom screams, "We're fine! Keep going!" to dad, who obviously heard the shots.

The man falls to the ground with a loud thud. Two more shots are fired and another man comes barreling towards us. Again I fire, this time twice in his upper torso; he too falls to the ground. There is more running, I move to pull the trigger, but this time it's grandpa. He's running fast and suddenly sees one of the bodies on the floor and jumps over it. He runs to my side and takes a knee, aiming his AK-47 in the same direction as I am.

"How many were there?" I ask, never taking my eyes off my target.

"Six, I got one."

Now there is a spot light coming from behind me. I can hear dad screaming with panic. "I am a United States Marine!" he shouts. "My family…..our plane went down! Please let us in, there are hostiles shooting at us!"

Another one comes around the corner, we each fire two bullets in him.

"I'm a United States Marine!" he yells pleadingly. "Danny McCoy!"

Suddenly there are two shots from behind me. I turn quickly and see mom holding her pistol, shooting the two men who were coming from our left.

"Danny hurry!" Grandpa yells, unsure if there are more coming.

Dad looks to us and back to the men in the tower. "Look, my family is being shot at! Please!" He screams, pointing to us. I hear a loud buzzer and dad running.

"They're opening the gate." Mom says hurriedly. We run in his direction quickly.

"Stay on my path!" he cries. I hear a shot behind us and stop, turn around, and take a knee. I fire two shots at him and see him fall. I turn to run again, I feel my foot hit something hard, something that shouldn't be in sand. I run faster as I hear three quick beeps. Suddenly I'm thrown to the ground, the heat on my back singes off a few hairs on my neck. I open my eyes, everything is moving, I can hear them all yelling, but I can't make out what they are saying.

Suddenly I'm standing up, but I'm not sure how because I can't feel my legs. I look to my left and see grandpa, my arm over his shoulder; which seems to explain why I'm standing up. My head feels too heavy….things seem to become darker than they were before. I close my eyes…….only for a moment.  
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"So when should they be here?" Nessa asks.

"I don't know, a couple hours." Jillian replies, "I guess we can call them and find out." She says standing up. She walks in the kitchen and picks up a satellite phone from the kitchen drawer. She dials a few numbers as she makes her way back to the living room.

She frowns as it rings repeatedly with no answer.

"What?" Mike asks.

"No answer." She says, closing the antenna on the phone.

"Well maybe they're just sleeping." He says with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Yeah….maybe." Jillian says, her voice filled with doubt.

"You don't think they're sleeping do you?" Ness says looking her surrogate mother in the eyes.

Jillian looks over to her, not saying a word, yet saying so much.


	11. Chapter 11 Injured Recovering and Healed

**Authors Notes: ** I have reposted this chapter because I didn't realize I had posted it incomplete. I was leaving for vacation and thought I'd post the next chapter, not realizing I hadn't finished it. I have made some corrections to what was here and have added three or four more pages. I'm sorry for the mix-up. I hope you read and enjoy.

**Chapter 11**

It's loud, loud with people screaming and machines beeping. The voices around me speak with thick accents and some in entire different language. Then I hear a familiar sound, a deep, gruff, demanding voice, grandpa.

I try to open my eyes, to let him know I'm okay, to see his face, but I can't.

"Grandpa!" I call out with panic, waving out my arms for him.

"I'm here." He says, taking my hand.

I bring my other hand up to my face and feel my eyes. There's something warm trickling down the sides of my face. I touch my eyelids and feel them moving, feel them blinking.

"I can't see!" I whale, trying desperately to move. I sit up feeling around, but my legs won't move. "I can't feel my legs!" I scream, hitting them with my fists.

"It's going to be okay! Calm down!" grandpa yells over me.

"Mom! Dad!" I scream.

"Josh, stop it! Calm down!"

"We need some help in here!" someone screams. Suddenly I feel a sharp poke in my arm and I drift back to sleep.  
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Ed paces the hallway between the two rooms, looking to the doors every seven seconds.

A doctor comes out of the door on the right, causing Ed stop and look.

"How is he?" he asks.

"Fine, a little sore, a little dehydrated, but all in all he'll be fine." The doctor says with a smile. "he's your son?"

"Son-in-law." Ed answers nodding his head. "What about my grandson?" he asks nervously.

"He has a fractured wrist, severely bruised rib, some second degree burns on the back of his neck, and five stitches across his forehead." He says reading a chart. "Those wounds should heal up just fine." He says looking up from the chart.

Ed lets out a massive sigh of relief.

"You should know that the wound we stitched up was a bullet graze."

Ed's eyes widen as he realizes how close he came to losing his grandson. "What about his eyesight and his legs? He said he couldn't see or feel his legs."

"His eyesight should come back, that's common for head injuries…"

"And his legs?" Ed asks, a slight quiver in his voice.

"When he was brought in Josh had a large piece of shrapnel in his lower back. We removed it and fixed him up as best we could, but we won't know anything more until he wakes up and tells us."

Ed closes his and shakes his head.

"You can go see them now, Lt. McCoy is conscious but your grandson should be out for a little while longer."

"Thank you." Ed says with a nod of the head. He walks into Danny's room, seeing Delinda in the chair beside his bed.

"How is he?" they both ask.

"He's asleep, but doing fine." He says calmly.

Delinda stands up and moves towards the door. "I don't want him to wake up alone." She says rushing past her father.

"How you doing pal?" Ed asks, walking over to the chair his daughter had been sitting in.

"Little sore." Danny replies with a shrug. "How is he really?"

"He has a bullet graze on his forehead….."

"and…?" Danny asks.

"and he had a piece of shrapnel in his back."

Danny opens his mouth to speak but the words don't follow.

"We won't know anything until he wakes up." Ed says, not making Danny ask the question.

"Damn-it!" Danny growls; there's a slight pause before either of them speak. "Have you talked to Jillian? How's Ruby?" he asks.

Ed shakes his head, "I haven't had the chance to call her." he says softly. He looks around and sees a phone on Danny's bedside table, but pretends as though he hasn't seen it. "I should probably go call her." he says standing up.

As he reaches the doorway Danny speaks, "Hey Ed…" he calls, Ed stops and turns to face him. "Thanks."

Ed nods his head, "No problem kid." He turns back towards the door and walks out into the hallway. The hospital they're in isn't huge but it's in better shape than the one in India. "Excuse me…is there a phone I can use." He asks politely. The woman looks at him, obviously confused. Ed puts his thumb and pinky up to his ear and mouth, "telephone." He says, speaking slowly and annunciating.

"Ohhhh." The woman says nodding her head with a smile.

Ed points to the phone and says, "United States?" The woman smiles again and dials a few numbers on the phone before handing it back to him. "Thank you." He says with a smile as he dials Jillian's satellite phone.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Jillian sits on the couch talking and laughing with Nessa and Mike, watching Ruby and Charlie play with some legos.

"Oh no he didn't!?" Jillian says laughing hysterically.

"Oh yes he did!" Nessa laughs, looking to Mike who is slightly smiling.

"Yeah yeah, I made a fool of myself once again." He says graciously.

Jillian's head turns around looking for the source of the noise. Her eyes land on the phone sitting on the kitchen table. She looks back to Nessa and Mike before running over to the phone. She picks it up and answers.

"Oh thank God! I was so worried." She says.

"Jillian…" Ed says softly, trying to get her to listen.

"Oh God…..what's wrong?" she asks, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"Our plane…it was shot down."

"What! What happ….."

"Jillian please." Ed barks. "We are all okay for the most part. We are in a hospital in Iran."

"Iran? Why were you even anywhere near there?" she asks.

"That's an answer I don't have yet."

"What do you mean they are alright 'for the most part'?" she asks. Ed sighs and looks to the floor. "Ed…?" she asks again.

"Josh had a piece of Shrapnel lodged in his lower back and a bullet graze on the forehead."

"His back….can he…."

"We don't know yet, he's still asleep."

Jillian closes her eyes and lowers her head. Mike and Nessa get up from the couch and walk to Jillian's side.

"Jill?" Ed asks, hoping he hasn't lost her.

"Ya, ya I'm here." She says opening her eyes and brushing her hand across her face. "What about Dee and Danny?"

"Delinda's perfectly fine and Danny's doing well, his leg is bothering him a little."

"Is Dee there? Can I talk to her?" Jillian asks, partly wanting to make sure for herself that her daughter's okay.

"Yeah, hold on for a second." As he goes to put the phone down he can hear his wife calling his name.

"Ed…Ed."

"Yeah?" he asks, bringing the phone back to his ear.

"I love you." She says sweetly.

Ed smiles to himself, thinking how lucky he was to find her. "I love you too." He says, his heart flooding with love. "I'll go get Delinda." He says, putting the phone down again.

He walks into Josh's room for the first time and see's his grandson lying in the bed so still and helpless. "Dee?" he says quietly, as he wakes her from her slumber in the chair beside her son's bed. She sits up and looks to Josh with a hopeful expression. When she sees he still asleep she looks up to her father with a questioning look.

"Mom's on the phone." He says with a smile. "Out at the nurses' desk." She stands up, hesitating as she looks back to Josh's bed. "I'll sit with him." he says reassuringly.

Delinda nods her head and kisses her father on the cheek before leaving the room. "Thank you daddy." She says with a rather tired voice.

Ed watches his daughter leave the room before he takes a seat beside his grandson. He leans his elbows on the side of the bed, resting his head in his hands. He takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes.

The room is quite for the most part, except for the faint sound of a ringing phone in the hall and the sound of the machines working.

The sounds become soothing in a way, the constant steady beeps and rings. But then, an unexpected noise interrupts, a pleasant surprise; the sound of a rough gurgle, a voice trying to speak.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Yes mom….I'm fine." Delinda says for the fifth time. "I'm sure." She says with a slight laugh. "How's Ruby?"

"She's fine, she's playing with Charlie."

"Charlie?" Delinda asks. "Nessa and Mike are there?"

"Yes" Jillian says simply, smiling at her surrogate daughter sitting across from her.

"How'd that go?" Delinda asks, knowing that her sister couldn't have taken being kept out of the loop very well.

"Not so well at first, but we are fine now. Sam came by last night too."

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?"

"We already had a visit this morning with some unwanted guests." Jillian says scowling.

"What do you mean?"

"A couple agents came by earlier looking for your dad, they weren't too happy when they didn't find him, and I don't think Mike threatening them with our lawyers put them in any better of a mood." She laughs.

"Threaten them with what?" Delinda says, finding it hard to believe that Mike would threaten federal agents.

"They didn't have a proper warrant." She laughs again.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I can hear an irritating sound that sounds like a balloon being blown up and then the air being let out over and over. I try to say something, anything, but it's a lot harder to do then I remember.

I open my eyes and look to my left seeing a blurred figure that I can only assume is grandpa. His broad shoulders are easy to identify, but it's his smell that is a dead giveaway. Grandpa always smelled the same, with or without cologne. I close my eyes wanting to ask a question but afraid to hear the answer. I open my mouth to try and ask it anyway, but again no words come out.

"They're both fine." He says softly, reading my mind.

"and you?" I ask, barely getting my voice to work.

I can hear him smile and see his blurred figure nodding his head, "I'm fine too. It's you we've been worried about."

"What happened?" I ask, unable to remember what caused me to end up here.

"You stepped on a land mine." He says, a slight hesitation in his voice.

Suddenly I can remember the heat on my back and grandpa carrying me to the gate. I move my hand to feel the burns on the back of my neck and wince as I touch them a bit too hard. I then see the corner of a bandage on my forehead.

"And this?" I say pointing to the bandage.

Grandpa hesitates again. I can tell he is looking at me seriously even though I can't see the details of his face. "Grandpa?" I ask again.

"You were grazed by a bullet." He says nodding his head.

"What?" I say more to myself then to him. I remember the landmine, at least parts of it, but I have no recollection of being grazed by a bullet at all.

"Right before you stepped on the landmine, when you stopped to shoot at the …." He stops for a second.

"Wouldn't I have felt it?" I ask, mad at myself for not remembering.

"Not always." He says, as though he's speaking from experience.

I can see a figure moving behind grandpa, a woman I think. "Mom?" I ask.

She was slow at first, but now she sprints to my side. She runs her hands down the sides of my face, but quickly retracts them as I wince. "How do you feel?" she asks smiling, running her hands through my hair again. "Does it hurt? Do you remember anything?"

"It only hurts when you do that." I say, pulling her hands away from my face. "and I remember some things…..clearly not everything." I say, looking towards grandpa with my last comment.

"What about your eyes? Can you see? How many fingers am I holding up?" she asks, waving a blurred hand in front of my face.

"Everything is really hazy right now; it just looks like big blurred objects." I say shrugging my shoulders.

I can see her head move towards grandpa and him look up to her from his chair.

"What?" I ask. "Is this permanent?" I ask a little more panicked.

"No, no; not at all. The Doctor said your eyesight should come back one hundred percent." Grandpa says with confidence.

I let out a large sigh and relax my shoulders. "Then what is it?" I ask, wondering what it could be that has them so worried. "Oh my God….." my stomach sinks as I close my eyes. "Dad….?"

"No! he's fine, he's in the room next door." Mom says patting my shoulder.

"Well, what the hell!" I shout. "You are going to give me a heart attack if you don't just tell me what's wrong!" if there is anything that I absolutely hate it's being kept out of the loop.

"You were hit with some shrapnel." Grandpa says quickly. "When the land mine went off a piece of shrapnel was lodged in you lower back."

As the words leave his mouth suddenly I can remember being in that medical tent screaming. I can suddenly remember not feeling my legs, not being able to see, and the sound of grandpa's voice desperately trying to calm me down. I can see the images in my mind like flashes of light. "I couldn't feel my legs….." I mumble, reaching down to feel them now.

"and now?" Grandpa asks.


	12. Chapter 12 List of Injuries

**Chapter 12**

I reach down and touch my legs. I can feel them beneath the sheets, but my legs cannot feel my fingers. I try to move them, but they remain motionless. My heart starts to beat faster and faster.

"They won't move…." I mumble under my breath. "Why can't I feel them?" I ask more loudly. They both look to me with a bit of worry, but more importantly, no answer. "I can't move them!" I shout; picking up my legs and throwing them over the side of the bed. They are heavier than I thought, the weight pulls the rest of me off the bed; I plunge to the floor.

Mom runs around the bed to my side, gathering me in her arms. I hear her sobs and feel her tears landing on my forehead. "It's okay, it'll be okay." She says, rocking me back and forth in her arms.

I can hear a slight squeaking sound, faint, but growing louder. Moms head turns to face the front of the room. I lift my head, the noise stops, there is an odd shape in the doorway. At first I think it's a chair, but I soon realize it's a wheelchair, which explains the squeaking sound. "Dad?" I ask, still unable to distinguish faces.

"You okay?" he asks, despite my present state.

"I can't feel my legs." I utter, looking down to the floor. "I can hardly see…" I say throwing my hands in the air. My eyes well up with tears, making it even harder than before to see anything.

"It's going to be okay." Mom says again.

"No it's not!" I shout. How many times are they going to say that? Just because you say it's going to be alright doesn't mean it will be. "How is this going to be okay?" I ask, motioning towards my limp legs. "I should be running to my dad's side right now! And instead I'm dragging myself across the floor to him!" I cry, pulling myself across the room on the cold floor.

Grandpa walks over and takes a knee beside me. I lower my head again, sobbing and sniveling. I wipe my nose with the sleeve of my hospital gown.

"I'm sorry…." I whisper, looking to mom.

"Let's get you back into bed." Grandpa says, lifting me up by my arms. He throws my right arm around his shoulder and carries me back to the bed.

Dad moves further into the room silently, with the exception of his noisy wheelchair.

"How are we all doing?" a strange voice asks from the doorway with a rather jolly tone. I look to the doorway only to see a large white blob.

"It's the doctor." Grandpa whispers in my ear.

"Well I can barely see anything and I can't feel my legs soo….things are going freakin fantastic!" I say with a smile and a tone dripping with sarcasm. There is a split second of awkward silence, but dad quickly breaks it with a giggle to himself. I smile and look over to him. I think for a moment how much he has rubbed off on me. I've always loved his sense of humor and now I find myself saying the same type of sarcastic comments.

"Let's take a look and see what's going on." The doctor says as he approaches the side of my bed after looking over my list of injuries. "Head back.." he says, pressing his finger against my forehead, pushing it back against the pillow. He opens my eyelids up wider and shines a light into them. He does this to both eyes several times.

"Something's wrong?" I ask; coming to this conclusion after he repeats the light test three times.

He doesn't answer right away, another indication of a problem. "Well……" he starts. "There's still time for you to regain your sight, it usually takes a couple days to fully heal……"

"But…?" I say, knowing full well that he wasn't finished.

"But usually the pupils dilate more at this point."

"and my legs?"

He moves down to the foot of the bed and takes something out from his pocket. I can see his blurry figure moving around, but I'm not positive as to what he's doing? I can see all of their figures turning to look at me.

"What?" I ask; feeling like there is something I should be saying or doing.

"I'm done here." The doctor says with a definite tone, as though we were all waiting for him to announce his completed mission. "Mr. and Mrs. McCoy, could I talk to you in the hall for a moment?" he asks walking out of the room. I hear them both walk outside and the door shut behind them.

"That guy's a prick." I say with disgust.

Grandpa lets out a small chuckle before replying. "He's just doing his job."

I look to him with a skeptical look and a raised eyebrow.

"Does he think I'm retarded?" I ask. "He does all these 'tests' and then asks to talk to my parents outside." I say with a slight laugh. "Yeah….that's very secretive Doctor. I have no idea something is wrong now!" I say sarcastically.

Grandpa laughs again. "Well I would say that 'everything will be okay' but I'm afraid you might punch me."  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"How is he?" Danny asks the doctor, looking up to Delinda from his wheelchair.

The doctor lets out a loud sigh before answering. "It's very common for the eyesight to be hazy at first. It's normal to have things be blurry and unclear, but…" he stops and furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head. "But the pupils will usually dilate when prompted. Your sons however are failing to do so, well at least not as much as we would hope."

"So they are dilating?" Delinda asks, looking for a sliver of hope.

"Yes, slightly, but I want to keep a close watch on it."

"What about his legs?" Danny asks impatiently. "Will he walk?"

The doctor hesitates, not a good sign Danny thinks to himself. Delinda grabs his hand for support, afraid of the news that is about to come.

"He didn't feel me scrape the bottom of his feet at all, which is a cause for concern. I would like to try a few more tests before I make any conclusions…."

"But there is a chance that he may be paralyzed?" Danny asks, a bead of sweat running down his temple.

"Yes. There is a chance." He says solemnly.

Danny stands up from his wheelchair and takes his wife in his arms. She sobs silently into his shoulder. "He'll be fine." He whispers, running his hand down the back of her head. "He will walk again."  
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Grandpa laughs at his own joke, which makes me giggle. Grandpa has always been, at least since I was born, very intimidating. He can be frightening to some, but to the people he loves he is kind and generous; occasionally he can be intimidating when he wants you to do something he strongly believes in or thinks is right and you hesitate. He has a great sense of humor when he wants to show it, though sometimes he does have a lame joke that no one finds funny but himself.

"Isn't that funny?" he asks through bursts of laughter.

I laugh out loud and nod my head to humor him. "Yeah." I laugh.

For a moment my thoughts trail off. I can't see or walk as of right now. If I could only get one of them back, which would I pick? As much as I love to run and swim and jump; I wouldn't really be able to do any of that anyway if I couldn't see where I was going. So I think that I would have to pick my eyesight. I love to watch the expressions on people's faces. I can't wait to see the look on Ruby's face when we all get home. I want to see the look on grandpa's face as he watches from afar Ruby and dad reunite. I can picture it all now as though it were happening in front of me. I love the look on grandpa's face when he is proud; there is a relaxed look on his face with a slight, barely noticeable, smile.

"What's so funny?" mom asks walking back into the room. I look to the doorway and see her blurry figure with another taller figure leaning against her.

"I was just telling a joke." Grandpa says still laughing. I can see mom look from grandpa to me, at which point I shrug my shoulders quickly so only she can see. I hear her giggle to herself.

"Dad is that you?" I ask, trying to get my eyes to focus on the figure beside mom.

"Yeah." He replies simply.

"You're walking?" I ask again.

"Getting there." he says taking a few slow steps towards the chair beside my bed.  
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"So they are okay?" Mike asks, obviously confused as to the health status of his friends.

"Danny's leg is a little sore, Delinda and Ed are fine." Jillian says, leaving Josh out on purpose.

"I think you are forgetting someone." Nessa says with a halfhearted laugh, hoping that her surrogate mother had just forgotten.

Jillian remains silent, trying to figure out the best way to break the news to them. "We don't know yet…" is all she can come up with.

"What do you mean 'we don't know'? We don't know if he's alive? We don't know if he's going to make it? We don't know what?" Mike asks, his voice getting louder and louder with panic.

"We don't know if he will walk again." Jillian finishes. She sits down on the couch and watches Charlie and Ruby play in the next room.

Mikes eyes seem to glaze over a bit, his mouth hangs open ever so slightly, he puts out his arm to brace himself as he lowers himself into the chair. "What happened?"

"He stepped on a landmine. A piece of shrapnel was lodged in his spine. They won't know anything until he wakes up."

"oh my god…." Nessa mutters.

"There's more." Jillian adds.

Nessa and Mike both look up, startled.

"He was grazed by a bullet. Before they put him under for surgery he couldn't see anything. He couldn't feel his legs either."

Nessa leans against the chair her husband is sitting in, grabbing his shoulder.

"When will we know something?" Mike asks, looking up again.

Jillian shrugs her shoulders. "Ed said he would call when Josh wakes up and they know something, but who knows when that is. We are just waiting on a phone call."

"We should call Sam. Sam should know." Nessa says, feeling her pockets for her cell phone with no success. She looks around the room, almost frantically.

Mike calmly takes his phone off his hip and hands it to his wife. "here." He says holding it up.

She dials the number she had memorized years ago. The phone rings only once before he friend picks up.

"Yeah Ness, what's up?" she asks as she signs an approval form for a raised credit line.

"Can you come over?" Nessa asks calmly.

"I'm babysitting a while right now; can it wait?" she says, handing the form back to the pit boss.

"No." Nessa answers quickly and definitely.

Sam frowns to herself and looks to her watch. "Oh….umm…okay. I'll be there in fifteen. Is everything okay?"

"We'll see you in fifteen minutes." Nessa says, not wanting to mention anything over the phone and hanging up.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They all sit around my bed laughing at something mom had said. To be honest I'm not really listening. There is a short pause; this is when I decide to ask the question I have been pondering.

"So there's still an obvious question that hasn't been answered." I say seriously.

They stop laughing and look at me.

"Who shot down our plane and why?"

"Planes are shot down all the time here." Mom says, trying to make it sound so casual.

I hear grandpa let out a laugh and see his profile look over to dad.

"Okay, one: We shouldn't have been flying over Iraq anyway. And two: I heard what the pilot said. Someone made him take us on that route. Why? Were they after dad or grandpa?"

Mom sighs reluctantly. "Sorry Dee….he's our kid." Dad says laughing. Grandpa chuckles too and so does mom after a few seconds.

"The truth is, we don't know anything yet. We have been so consumed with you and making sure you are okay we haven't had time to check anything out."

"I'm fine. So now can we figure out who did this and why?" I ask, wanting to get down to business.


End file.
